Fat. This simple three letter word gas ruined me. I was in the first grade the first time I was called fat. At that age I didn't know it was supposed to hurt me. But as I grew, up and out. I learned it was. Fat. A three letter word meant to hurt me and every other girl that has ever been called it. Fat. This word meant time define me, meant to be all I am. Meant to tell me no one will want me "no one likes fat chicks" Age 13 this... This is when I start to understand why no one likes me. I look in the mirror and see my stomach how it sags down. I see my thighs how they touch. I see my arms... The flab. Even my face. I see my fat face. Age 15 I don't eat as much now. I haven't lost any weight. At least I can't see that I had. Maybe I did? And now. Age 16. With you. You see me as I see me. This beautiful Amazing person sees me as I am and still loves me. They press their lips to my sagging stomach, my touching thighs, my flabby arms. And my fat face. They look at me and if I'm the most beautiful girl they have ever laid eyes on. This skinny beautiful person thinks I the fat girl is beautiful. All those years of hating myself thinking no one would want me, for nothing. They want me. So now I'm trying something new. I'm trying to see me through their eyes. I'm trying to see the beauty they do. I'm trying to not grab my stomach and squeeze it hoping that if I squeeze hard enough the fat will come out. I'm trying not to scratch my thighs till they are red because I hate them. I'm trying to love myself. And it's hard. Because for as long as I can remember I was the fat one. The one they made fun of. The ugly fat friend. The one that they would say "shit don't sit on me" When I would try to just cuddle.... So when I don't sit on your lap like you want me to its because I've been told I'll hurt yay if I do. So please.... I'm sorry but I am truly trying to see me as you do.
