the divine feminine → chris schistad

tretten

"hey." a small voice spoke. nez looked up from the lonely table she sat at and was met with a familiar blonde beauty. as much as she didn't want to admit it, nez still had a soft spot for roman.

"hi roman." nez took a deep breath, counting to ten in her head to keep her from having a panic attack. her heart hammered inside of her ribcage and she didn't know how she could handle it.

"may i sit?" roman looked at the empty spot from across from the brown girl. nez looked around at the normal table she usually sat at. xavier was messing around with william while the rest of the boys laughed. nez turned her attention back to roman, nodding her head. the two sat in an uncomfortable silence, something only one of them was good at handling.

"look, nez-"

"don't apologize." nez was sure roman knew of her infatuation with her. and she didn't want roman to apologize for feelings she didn't have. it was wrong for roman to apologize to nez for not liking her back. "i'm not upset with the fact that you didn't like me back."

"you're not?" roman furrowed her eyebrows. "why do you avoid me then?"

"because you're a hypocrite." nez almost laughed. but she couldn't laugh at someone she once thought was the most beautiful girl in the world. "look at you, ro." her eyes trailed over the hoodie roman now wore as a souvenir. chris' name was highlighted on the back of the hoodie. "'you can't change the world' so you let them change you?"

"i know, i'm sorry-"

"stop apologizing." nez sighed. she was tired of hearing apologies. words didn't mean anything. not when it came to half-assed apologies. "do you even know why i'm upset? you're sorry that i had a crush on you while you hooked up with my best friend, not because you turned into something you once despised." roman winced at the words. it took her so long to realize that nez wasn't mad about chris, but about the person she became. roman had disappointed nez. but it didn't matter anymore.

roman left the girl to herself. how it should always be. nez should left alone at all times because she didn't know if she could handle anyone else. she could barely handle her own thoughts as it was, but she at least could trust herself.

and she hated being this low with herself. her self-pity was already annoying as it. but to get sorrow stares from people in the hallways was killer as well.

nez went from 'xanny's little sister' and 'penetrator chris' best friend' to 'the little gay girl fell for a straight girl that her best friend fucked'. it was sad, but it was the truth right?- well half of the truth, she was bi.

"it's not cool to sit by yourself, you know?" noora dragged her hand across nez's back, making her gasp in surprise.

behind noora stood chris b, eva, sana, and vilde. they waved as she looked at them.

"uh, thank you for your concern. but i prefer to sit by myself." nez swallowed harshly. "if i wanted to sit with people, i would've sat with my brother and his goons."

"yeah, but you're taking up a perfectly useable table. won't you share it with us?" noora batted her eyelashes. while nez wanted to give in to the sweet girl, she just couldn't see herself involved with friends. for a while at least.

"be my guest then." nez said, welcoming the group to the table. she stood up from the table though, tossing her backpack over her shoulder, ignoring the protests of the five girls.

nez turned the corner into the parking lot. a walk sounded nice. it sounded a lot nicer than ap chemistry at least.

"hennezy, just who i wanted to see." christoffer had appeared beside her. nez let out a grunt of discomfort. she pulled her hands out of her pockets, pulling out a pair of earbuds. she plugged them into her phone, shoving the ear pieces in her ears.