This is not a fairytale-Sandersides

Chapter 12

I walked down the hallway to my room.

Needless to say, I wasn't in the best of moods. 

Logan and I had just had an argument about the fact that I apparently always have been 'too stupid to be an adult'. He had shouted things like this and insults, I had cried, it's a blur really.

The things that stung the most is the fact that I know it's true. Logan had never lied or had ever seen the purpose of it so naturally, all of the things he said were true or based on facts.

I slowly made my way through the hallway connecting all of our rooms as I noticed how the door leading into Virgil's room had been violently opened, a hole in the middle as if someone had kicked the door with an almost inhuman force.

I stopped in front of the room, the darkness of it still sent shivers down my spine, remembering how the bad feelings would try to drown me in self-doubt whenever I remained too long between those four walls.

Virgil was nowhere to be found, the space seeming empty and hallow. Almost as if it was waiting to swallow the first person to set foot inside of it to play with their thoughts like a cat plays with a tread.

I took a deep breath, trying to think as positive as possible before slowly walking into the room, the cold immediately surrounding me, the thoughts of sunshine, puppies, hot chocolate and that one time logan told me I had done a good job immediately being replaced by the massive weight of the argument I had just had with the person named earlier.
Thoughts about how he must hate me, how the person I look up to the most just told me they would be better of without me right to my face. How the one I adore the most out of those three screamed to me that I was worthless, that my emotions slowed everything down.

I stopped, standing in the middle of the room, the place Thomas would stand whenever we had our little debates. 
Whenever we would do our play, a script written by Joan and Talyn, me wiping out puns I didn't come up with and Logan shooting down every idea and told me it was too reckless.

I knew it was staged, everything we said we had practised, we had gone through the lines a million times, making sure we said them right, but every time he told me that I was being stupid, told me it was dumb, a little piece broke from my heart, a small sting went through it because this person, this absolutely outstanding, wonderful and intelligent person, had just told me that everything I stand for was stupid. 

The room appeared to get closer and closer to destroying my mind and I found myself trying to reach the door again, to get out of that room full of self-doubt and overthinking but right before I reached the place Logan would normally stand whenever we recorded a video my knees got weak and I collapsed, giving the room a chance to fill my brain with the thoughts I had been trying to keep out since I had walked through that door.

The light coming from the still wide open door wasn't able to reach me, the room got darker and my thoughts seemed to follow its lead. 

This feeling I had never experienced. My hands, my legs, my whole body began to shake, the thoughts clouding my vision and blocking out everything I normally stand for, big, salty tears making their way through two thick layers of eyeshadow and finally, right before I could reach out to try and crawl towards the light, a sting. The feeling of all the insults, all the mean comments ripping through my body like a sword. I opened my mouth to scream but the only thing I appeared to be able to do was whisper as I closed my eyes, wishing I had never set foot in that godforsaken room.

"Logan, I'm sorry."