This is not a fairytale-Sandersides

Chapter 28

"Your eyes lost their colour."

My voice sounded weird as if it came from far away or perhaps underwater.

My hands wrapped around Virgil's ice-cold once, hoping to catch some of the warmth that was left inside of him.

His now black irises formed two perfectly round balls as his eyes widened at my comment.

"They what now?"

Patton had rushed forward, practically flying towards us to bend over me and study Virgil's face.

A small gasp and a 'dear lord' followed by Logan pushing him aside to study the darker trait himself.

"This is not good. Virgil, do you feel any pain or discomfort?"

The other shook his head and opened his mouth to say something, but no sound disturbed the silence which had filled the room after Logan had spoken.

He tried again and again and again. His eyes widening even more and his face becoming one of pure panic as I felt his hands which were still locked inside mine starting to shake.

"Shit guys-" "Language!" "Patton this is not a time for such things as using proper language! He lost his goddamn voice and his irises turned bla-!"

I looked back at Virgil, the words stuck in my throat as I saw how his eyes had now turned black completely, no white or any other kind of colour could be seen, his hair, normally purple like the rest of us, had turned the same, terrible shade and his skin had become ghostly pale.

"LOGAN DO SOMETHING!"

Patton and I were now both visibly shaking and I tried to seek contact with the now completely stiff Virgil, my hands no longer on his, the cold, grey skin becoming too much for me to touch.

"I-I can't" I looked at the logical trait, he looked defeated, a look I had never dared to imagine would be on his face. looking down, his hair messed up by running his hands through it way too many times, a habit he had picked up after having to do so for a play, his first aid kit spread all over the couch.

A stethoscope still in his right hand, a variety of band-aids, some coloured or with pictures of cartoons on them, some plain white or skin-coloured, a few bottles of medication which would infect Thomas' mood if we took them, two scalpels for whatever reason, a pair of those things people use in movies to get someone's heart working again and numerous other things I did not know the names of.

"Please- D-Do something" My voice broke, tears streamed down my face and the only thing I could do was stare at the completely still form we once knew as Virgil who just sat there, eyes and hair black as the void, skin ghostly pale as if he was a corpse which had been cold for days.

I could vaguely feel arms wrapping around me and Patton telling me 'I'm sorry' over and over again in a voice broken by sobs. I did not hug him back, I did not tell him 'It's not your fault.'

I wasn't able to function at all. I just stood there, looking at what my behaviour towards this beautiful being had caused. At what me being a bully, a merciless monster had done to someone I loved dearly.

At how I had driven him over the edge, had caused him to do the things he did, had caused him to harm himself and Thomas.

And at how all of that, the small smirk he would give us whenever a joke or compliment got to him, the laugh he would cover whenever it slipped out between his lips, the sarcastic but mostly accurate comments that would throw us into another debate which we would come out stronger, the struggle of trying not to be negative even though he, in fact, was the core of a lot of negative feelings, the stutter as he tried to express his feelings and the incredibly soft touch of his lips meeting mine, of his cheek resting against my ear as he whispered a small 'I love you'.

How all of that was gone.

I heard a scream fill the silence.

Only after opening my eyes and finding Patton had now tightly gripped my shoulders to tell me it was okay over and over again while Logan stood in the corner, his eyes racing between me and Virgil, I realized it in fact was me screaming my lungs out, screaming about the hurt, the incredible hurt I felt.

I do not expect you to forgive me for what I've done.

Why would you?

Why would anyone forgive me if I can't even forgive myself?