This is not a fairytale-Sandersides

Chapter 18

"Virgil? "

This wasn't good.

My heart pounding, my eyes watering and my hands shaking I looked down at him.
Roman had abandoned the heels as he was barely able to walk whenever he had worn them for extended periods of time, resulting in him having to look up at me.

I had shrunken about an inch. 
I still was way too tall for any once liking.
I still was a problem way to big for it to be a fun challenge.
I still was a burden, slowing them down in their quest to make our host happy.

"Virgil please answer me."

Romans' voice sounded so incredibly hurt that I was almost able to feel the pain. 
I tried to look away, my face trapped between his hands and his eyes two raging pools of sadness.

"Virgil, please! I need to hear it from you! I need to know you're -"
"I don't know alright!" I snapped at him, my hand clapsing onto my mouth as soon as the words left it.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell I-"
Prince shut me up by wrapping his arms around me. Him not being tall enough to reach my shoulder he just wrapped them around my waist, just underneath my armpits his arms locked together, trapping me in his warmth.

"It's okay Virge, I'm here now."

God, I wish I would be able to tell you it would all be alright.
I wish I was able to snap out of it like they make me do in so many of the stories Patton always showed me, giggling as the familiar ship names lit up on the screen.

I wish I would be able to act like I do in all those stories, suddenly being happy after prince declared his love for me.

But I once again have to disappoint you.

This, how sad you might be to hear this, this is real life. And unfortunately, real life does not make everything end in a happy go lucky way. Real life doesn't close the book with the words 'and they lived happily ever after' 

No real life drags on and on. The problems never once leave your doorstep and sadly, mental illness is not cured by someone kissing your scars and asking you to stop hurting yourself, to just stop thinking like that.

No, real life is an ongoing slur of misery, so naturally, as Roman told me that 'It was going to be okay because he now had arrived one stage,' I just nodded and hugged him back.
And I pretended to sneeze, to be able to wipe my glossed over eyes.
And I went back to my old room that evening, breaking down as the familiar void surrounded me and consumed me like we had been starving it for weeks.

And I just bit onto my fist, muffling the screams that would come spilling out from between my lips as all the emotions I had stuffed into the back of my mind for weeks crashed down on me.

And I smiled, tears streaming down my face and the familiar shocks taking over, I smiled as I realized I was the only one sobbing and Thomas still was sleeping soundly, maybe having a nightmare but nothing he wouldn't be able to handle.

And I cried, as I felt two strong arms picking me up, dragging me away from the darkness that consumed me, a painfully familiar voice whispered 'am I that bad to be around?' before placing me on the sofa, the door closing behind him with a loud thud, leaving me in the cold common room hugging my knees.

And so the cicle had completed itself; I was back where I belonged, in a cold dark room, with nobody having a care in me.