This is not a fairytale-Sandersides

Chapter 32

So this is how our story, my long road of endless suffering, would continue.

Thomas would keep taking the pills whenever I felt extremely bad.

I would slip into that dead- like state again for about fourteen hours.

And every time I had done so Roman would be there by my side whenever I woke up.

A lot of times I would just sink to the floor while I was walking, Thomas deciding it was a good time to take the medication and me only realizing the symptoms as my body started going numb.

Every single time I would wake up in either the centre or Roman's room.

And every single time he would sit there, hot chocolate I had learned to love or coffee placed on the table, ready for me to drink and shut out the cold feeling which would haunt me throughout the whole day after I had woken up again.

Patton and Logan reacted both rather differently.

Patton always seeming to be one edge whenever I walked by after I had had one of my 'black-outs' as we had started calling the state I dwelled in whenever Thomas would take his medication, almost as if the cold feeling of hands wrapping around my limbs had become some sort of aura and the fatherly trait picked up on it rather harshly.

Logan would start avoiding looking into my eyes as if he was afraid the black might still be there.

Instead, the logical trait looked at a very specific point on my forehead as if he was able to see some sort of wound or burn mark, invisible to everyone else. Every time I would walk past him in the hall or we would be in the same room he would look towards me, always trying to capture that specific point with his gaze.

Thomas himself had acted rather worried about the whole situation.

He had surprisingly summoned us all one time half an hour after he had taken a pill.

I had been layin unconscious in the hallway at that moment, someone had yet to walk by and find me.

My appearance seemed rather shocking to our host, curled up in a ball on the bottom of the staircase I normally took place on, hair and eyes black and unmoving, skin ghostly pale.

After that, he had laid off the pills for a week but Logan had forced him to start taking them again as he seemed to have slipped up and hurt himself if not for the fact that Joan had burst into the room after hearing his sobs.

Now I do wish to inform you that it was not all bad.

In the short periods of time in which Thomas had not practically drugged me I was rather happy. Of course, right before our host decided to take another pill I would be on edge, my thoughts racing and my mind at war with the monsters hidden inside of my head.

But the few hours I could spend without worrying too much I can call the happiest moments of my life.

Roman and I would cuddle, watch movies, talk about silly, lighthearted stuff to take our minds off of the things lurking in the shadows of tomorrow and even bake a cake a few times.

I must admit the last one mostly ended in disaster. The kitchen looks like a battlefield more than anything, milk or water spilling, flour practically everywhere and if we had a bad day there would be some cracked open eggs laying around somewhere, whether 'somewhere' means in the bowl or on the wall or floor I will leave up for discussion.

Whenever we would run out of ideas for us two to do together we would ask the other two traits if they wanted to do something.

The 'something' turned out to be a boardgame nine out of ten times as Logan had told us it is a good bonding activity and it would keep us all from overthinking about the things that would happen in the near future.

As I said, not everything was bad.

And as I lay here on soft, white sheets, finally short enough to fit underneath the red blancket wrapped in the arms of the one I have the honour to call mine, earning tiny kisses and chuckles every few seconds, I start to truly believe that I might be able to get through this.

I might actually survive.

And this might not be the happy go lucky ending you want, this does not end with a 'happy ever after', but at this very moment, this very second,

I can say that I'm truly happy.

-
And so the long road of suffering ends!
I apoligise for any sadness or anything in general this might've triggered but I still hope you enjoyed it and that it might've brought you some sort of peace.

Now I do want to say I do not intend to make mental illness apear nice or romantic. it is a very serious issue and people should not be under the impression that it's cute or sweet to have one. If you have a mental illness or think you have one please, for me and the people who care about you, seek for help.

Stay safe kiddos,
-Ben-

Edit:
So I remember two months ago being over the moon that I hit 2 thousand reads.
And now this dumb story of mine is at 12 thousand? I do not get why or where you all came from but thank you so incredibly much? I never felt this loved in my life?
-Juli 17th- 2018-