Turned

Chapter Ten

I headed home that night with Matt, I'd never seen him look so angry, if looks could kill, I'd be dead.

He looked at me as I sat down on our sofa.

I bit my lip, waiting for Matt to speak, convinced he knew about what I wanted, what I could and couldn't do, what I wanted to do to the man messing with my sister.

She was my sister, I could understand it but I knew Matt wouldn't, he'd say it was part of what I'd become, the monster was taking hold and he was probably right, I just didn't like the idea of not being in control of my mind, the idea that my personality would slowly change, that I'd become deadlier, more aggressive, dangerous.

I feared what I could be but there was little I could do, I had my friends to hang onto but Lena was my sister, I couldn't let her get hurt by someone like that, someone dangerous.

"Are you okay?" Matt asked me.

"Fine, why?" I questioned but got no response. "Matt, what is it?" I asked.

"You're different... when I was with Leo, you didn't follow, yet you walked outside, why?"

"To check on you" I lied.

I could see Matt's disbelief in his eyes. He nodded his head, probably accepting he'd never get the actual answer or that my guilt would strike me hard enough to admit what I'd done.

I couldn't tell him, I stopped myself, I had to. There were some things you don't tell people, that was one of the few things I'd keep from Matt until I knew for sure it was just a one off or if it was more serious. If it reoccurred, I'd have to tell him, probably even leave to protect him.

I got up to go to bed, hoping Leo got home without any problems, I couldn't stand the idea of him going through the same thing as me, the idea of him becoming a vampire horrified me, struck me in the heart like an arrow, the idea of either of my good friends going through the pain, the loss of memory, turning into monsters, stuck like I was to be.

I pulled myself off the sofa, attempting to force myself to bed. I could still feel Matt's gaze, it felt like knives cutting into me but I didn't say anything, I just kept walking because I had to, I couldn't let him see the truth, the truth would put him in a difficult position, one I never wanted him to be in.

I sighed as I lay down. My thoughts kept trailing, thoughts of the hunt, thoughts of blood, of the thrill. I tried to ignore them but they were all I could think about, the list of people who I'd have happily gotten rid of, bitten... killed.

Highschool bullies, exes from relationships that ended poorly, people who made poor decisions about me all found themselves on a long, compiled list.

I shook my head.

I couldn't think like that, imagining people's deaths... I wouldn't enjoy killing, it wasn't me, it wasn't who I was or what I wanted to become, I just needed to remember that, I had to.

The next evening, I was quiet, I didn't want to wake Matt, he had a later shift and needed all the sleep he could get. I collected my keys and picked up my phone, shoving them into my jeans pocket as silently as I could as I checked my reflection in the mirror, straightening out my hair parting.

I was grateful for still having a reflection, sunlight... I still didn't know about, I didn't have the guts to try it out, too scared I'd burn to death for Matt and our neighbours to see.

I opened the door and left the flat, tempted to walk to Nightshade but I resisted the urge, I didn't want to crawl back and admit I was unable to stomach being out in the world with the humans, I had much to learn, I couldn't just give up and throw it all away because being a vampire became difficult, I had to manage, to struggle until I couldn't anymore.

I walked to work, thankfully early. I got ready, scrubbing my hands clean as I got ready to prepare the food.

I didn't mind being early, I quite liked it, I got on with most of the employees and tried to be tolerable to the rest, holding on to the thought that I didn't have to see them too often, that I could relax and complain about them to Matt when we were both home and to cope, he'd do the same.

I smiled briefly at a young waitress, Amy, probably covering for Maria. I took the order, pinning it as I read exactly what the people wanted, checking and re-checking so I didn't get an order wrong.

Ham and Mushroom, large, two medium pepperoni pizzas and one small tuna pizza.

I felt myself jumping internally as another chef marked off the tuna pizza, I hated doing them but pepperoni was easy, mushroom was even easier.

I made them quickly, it was just a case of cutting things up, spreading tomato sauce on the base, cheese and the toppings, easy enough to create.

I popped them into the oven, checking on the tuna pizza's development, in the oven too.

Another person was going to get their orders with what I hoped would be no complaints.

I watched Laura take them on her large tray, I didn't look at the customers, I rarely did, I just hoped there'd be no complaints about it or I'd have to redo them.

Laura came back with a small smile on her face, that told me all I needed to know, that food was fine and that I wasn't going to be lectured and forced to redo the order, especially if it was a minor thing they complained about or expected free food because their drink was wrong.