Turned

Chapter Fifty Five

I decided to take Matt's advice, stay with him and Lena. Lena didn't know anything, it was my choice to keep her in the dark, for the best, really, I was convinced she'd freak out, run away or... something worse. Either way, it wasn't right, telling her, it wouldn't help her, just upset her more than I needed to. I loved Lena, she was my sister, always there for me when I needed her. I wanted to be there for her, to help her, see her through the dark and difficult times, help her reach the better ones, lighter times.

How long would I remain as I was? Vampire mind, human soul, human conscience, thoughts and feelings yet they were often overrun with a thirst for human blood. I knew what I was like, I could be manipulative, if I wanted to but I knew what was best, for me and for others. Part of me believed that I let Nick go, because of what I was, because I could be such a cruel monster.

I didn't want to change but I could feel it, the need to change, the desire. How long would it be before I gave into it? How long would it be before I became the monster, not the man?

I needed answers, I needed to know but I couldn't ask a vampire. I had to swallow my pride, ask him, even though I didn't want to, I hated the idea, but it had to be done, I didn't have a choice.

I took the bus to the nearest bus stop, travelling to his house using my memory. I couldn't even think of his name without cursing myself for being so stupid, as if he'd help me, as if he'd want to help me. I wouldn't have been surprised if he slammed the door in my face, refused to help, refused to even look at me or care. 

I mustered the courage and knocked on the door once. I took a deep breath as it swung open, gulped as he saw me, rolled his eyes and began to shut it.

"Please, I need your help" I begged.

"I thought you wanted me to get lost?" Nick replied in disgust.

"I need your help" I replied.

"What do you want?" he asked as the door swung back open.

"Just... hear my request out before you shut the door, please"

"I'm listening, hurry up" Nick snapped.

"I need to learn... how to control it, please... I know we're not the same but... you... you're able to... hide what you are, please"

"I probably can't help you... why not go and ask your vampire friends or someone else?" he snapped as he slowly shut the door, checking to see if my foot was blocking it.

"Because you know they won't help me!" I protested.

He sighed and opened the door fully, he took a few minutes to process the information. He shrugged his shoulders and moved away from the door. I stepped up, unable to step through, he rolled his eyes and gestured me to come in. I stepped in and my heart sank. It had been so long since I was there, last time I was, we were speaking, on good terms, now it felt like I was walking into a stranger's house.

"I still don't understand why you can't just go to your people and ask them for help"

"Because Sapphire's a monster, Henry is... a club owner, he's never around and Dylan, I'm convinced he's not got a clue himself, the amount he drinks"

"Right, so you come to me? You do remember that I'm a werewolf, right? I'm not a vampire like yourself" he snapped.

"Just please, tell me how you do it" I begged.

"You must be desperate. New boyfriend?"

"Ongoing addiction" I admitted.

"Vampire blood? Jesus, you're mad, drinking that"

"You best described my situation when you said 'desperate'" I replied.

He led me into the living room and let me sit down. Painful memories hit and made me want to leave but I stayed, I had to stay, I had to learn how to control it, my thirst. I wanted blood, I only ever wanted blood, vampire or human.

"Explain" he ordered.

"I have problems with temptation, hunger... I... I can't control myself... sometimes I feel like I'm going to..." I began. I bit my lip as my eyes traced his neck. I looked down suddenly, looking at my hands as I continued. "I heard that... that werewolves... have problems... controlling their... transformations"

"We both have our crosses to bear" he commented cryptically. 

"Please?" I requested.

He sighed once and pulled a chair out of its normal place, placing it so he could face opposite me. "Newly turned vampires have problems with control because they have no idea just how to find their control. You need something strong, deep within yourself, something to hold onto. My best guess is, you should find someone or something to hold onto and imagine what it would be like, if you hurt them. Imagining the pain is usually enough to stop the cubs from doing it but you're not a wolf cub"

"Thanks" I replied as I pulled myself up. "I better go then... sorry for wasting your time"

"Jack..." he replied.

I turned around to face him. "What?" I asked politely.

"Be careful out there" he replied with a heavy look on his face, almost painful.

"Thank you, Nick... I'm grateful for your help" I replied as I walked down the hall.

I opened the door, stopping dead as a man in leathers stood to greet me. I guessed it was Nick's new boyfriend or someone, but he didn't call for Nick, he just raised his hand. With the sun in my eyes, I could barely see but I felt it, the prick of a needle. I managed to call Nick's name, but it was too late, it seemed. I dropped to the ground, my vision blurred but I kept trying to make out the shapes.

I tried to move but I was so weak, I couldn't, I was just carried like a ragdoll over someone's shoulder and slung into what I guessed was a car or a van.