Turned

Chapter Twenty

I got to work in time, hoping Sapphire wouldn't ask too many questions, turns out I had nothing to worry about, she didn't ask any. If she was my mother, she'd screaming at me about one thing or another as if being gay was a sin, there were plenty of sinners out there and I didn't doubt I'd be guilty of some sins too but being gay was not one of my long list of sins.

I had to hide what I was, I'd have to do that for the rest of my existence, however long that was.

Matt followed for a little while but soon gave up when he realised I wasn't going to stop and chat, I was too angry to even try. What happened couldn't be repeated, next time, I'd probably trust my instincts and let go only to find his dead body when I came to my senses.

How would it feel to have his blood within me? How would I feel, knowing I consumed his soul?

Like a real monster, a creature to run and hide from, if only I could. I was stuck with it, with me and it wasn't like I could just forget about it or resist the urge to drink, I needed blood, a life or death need, not just an addiction but survival too. 

"Jack, you okay?" Nick asked as he covered for me, serving an impatient princess her drink.

I sighed once, rubbing my eyes in pretence. "Lack of sleep" I lied. It was better than the alternative. How was I meant to tell him about my fight with Matt? It wasn't fair to unload so much on a man I barely knew.

"If you want, you can take a break?" Nick offered.

"No, I'm okay... it's okay"

"Are you sure? Don't wear yourself out"

"I won't" I promised, thankful he was there and not another vampire.

Another vampire would've tried to get the truth out of me, one way or another. I'd have been a nice little game and probably turned Matt into a nice little meal, a way to silence him. Matt wouldn't have seen it coming, I'd have probably been locked up so I couldn't warn him. He'd have been a blind rabbit, no fun but a good meal, a silenced one that couldn't warn the others about the foxes arriving nearby.

I got lucky, next time, I might not have been so lucky. I needed to be careful, to watch out for the vampires, for the monsters that would steal my friendships if they knew they were going sour. If Matt wanted to help, I couldn't shut him out because it was ultimately his choice and he was old enough to make decisions in and for his life. I knew what I was going to have to do eventually, eventually I'd flee the nest, eternally grateful to Sapphire for her help, her care and compassion but eager to move on before things became too difficult.

After all, the longer I stayed, the worse I'd feel, the worse leaving would feel like I've stepped off the edge of a cliff, rather than just off a step.

Eventually, I wanted to learn how to feed on my own, off living people, how to take just enough to survive but not enough to cost heaps of lives, I didn't want to blacken my soul, even if I was going to live forever, after all, the belief is that when you live forever, things come back to haunt you.

I covered for Nick while he was on break, I insisted, it was the least I could do.

He saw me drink a couple of cans of energy drink, not that they worked for vampires but at least I could taste them but they took care of problems, potential unanswered questions that I feared would rise up if I let them, better to cage it than to release it, in my experience.

"Jack, you can go on break now, if you want" he offered as the place quietened down.

"No, I'm okay" I replied, trying not to sound colder than the artic.

"Are you sure? A couple of energy drinks are great for short bursts but... they do wear off"

"I'll be fine for tonight" I promised him.

He laughed it off but I could sense suspicion but one of the worst things about that was not knowing if it was paranoia or actual suspicion.

We spoke a bit, he talked about his family but caught on to why I was nearly silent about mine, the less he knew about them, the better, most of them were horror stories.

I lied, told him I'd quit my job at the restaurant to come and work here, technically it would be true but... kind of wasn't. I was getting paid here, I didn't need the restaurant job anymore.

Time passed quickly when Nick was there, hours were like minutes and I was done, I could go home and relax. If Matt was there then fair enough, I was going to deal with it, I wasn't going to try and shut him out. 

I thought I was sick of bars and clubs but I found myself drawn to another one, Matt's place of work. I had to put things right, I had to make him understand what I was like, what was happening, my worries and fears. He deserved to know what I could do if I lost control, how to kill me if it happened.

I wanted to be friends, I wanted to have friends and go out like normal people but fears had tight grips that only threatened to tighten. I had to control myself, control my fears and my thirst for blood. The longer I abstained from drinking, the worse I became and my worry was that one day, I'd look in the mirror and never see me again, I'd see a porcelain skinned monster that frightened half the city as they read the news in the papers, heard people had been murdered, their blood missing from their veins.