Turned

Chapter Forty

There were times when I wanted to tell him, I was so desperate to tell him, I had to fight the fear and feelings back, I had to struggle to bury the idea within while I looked at him, while I watched him there, smiling, happy, beautiful. I was lucky to have found him, I was lucky to be a part of his life, in whatever way he decided I should be. If he decided we should be friends, I'd have been happy, if he still wanted to be more, I would stay by his side while trying to bury my secret.

We headed to his place so Matt could get some rest if he wanted it. Our days off were the best, we got to spend a large chunk of time together and he was serious about taking me on a date. I said out for a drink, he insisted we make it out for dinner, just the two of us and who was I to refuse? Dinner, beer and good company was all I needed.

All that kept running through my head was 'is this the night? Will I tell him tonight?'. I wanted to tell him, I needed to tell him what I was, I was desperate to not have any secrets, to not keep anything from him. He needed to know what I was, I'd put it off for too long, I needed to tell him or I'd end up losing him, frightened that he'd noticed how I didn't age, that I barely ate... that I was scared of losing him.

His place was so light, it was beautiful, I'd never really seen it during the day. He almost looked surprised as I looked around again, somethings were just even more beautiful in the daylight, the cream walls captured the sunlight, his new artwork on the walls was amazing, something I'd expect to see in an art gallery, not on someone's wall. 

"What?" he asked in surprise.

"Your place in the daylight" I commented, my voice so light, it was like I was on cloud nine.

"It's not that nice" he replied with a soft smile aimed at me.

"I think so"

"Then you're being nice to me" he whispered as he walked towards me, pulling me in for a kiss. 

"Perhaps" I replied.

"But, we have to get to the restaurant" Nick whispered.

"I know" I replied in defeat.

"And I still need a shower" Nick insisted as he walked into the bathroom.

I didn't take it as an invitation, I didn't mind either, I just walked around his place a little. It was so light, beautiful, hints of a long, beautiful history, some old Georgian features with a twist of modernism built as an extension. I didn't look around too much, I didn't want to poke around his home, that wasn't fair. 

I heard the water running as I walked up into his art studio. I didn't want to poke around and I wasn't going to look in any unseen rooms but I wanted to see if there was anything he was currently working on, I just wanted to see more of his artwork, wondering why he hid it all away, locked it away as if it didn't matter to him.

My eyes locked onto a beautiful painting, a large home in the distance, a large white home, almost like a large cottage, painted white bricks and small windows but there was a man with no details, just a shadow running from it, the breezy grass hitting him. I touched it, mesmerised by it as I picked it up. 

"I'm surprised you like that one" he commented as he stood behind me, dressed and ready, it was then I realised how much time I'd spent up here.

"I'm sorry" I commented back, blushing.

"Don't be sorry, I'm just... curious as to why you're drawn to that one"

"I don't know... it just... it's beautiful" 

"I suppose, in its way" Nick agreed with a shaky voice.

"I didn't mean to upset you" I whispered.

"You didn't, the memory did... I painted that when... when things happened that were... beyond my control, I felt I had to leave... I had to get away or I'd go mad" Nick explained in a soft tone.

"It reminds me... of myself. When I left my father's house... I was uncertain, I didn't know what I'd do or where I'd go, I just knew I had to leave before he..."

He hugged me to help me, surprisingly, it did, feeling so much warmth felt so relaxing, so calming, I wanted to stay in his arms forever, to never let go of him. 

"You never have to feel that again" he promised.

"Thank you" I whispered as I held him.

I didn't feel so bad, I felt a warming comfort when I was near him, as I could do anything, take on the world if I had to. I'd never felt that way before, so strong inside, so powerful. When I was with him, I didn't feel so vulnerable, I felt like I was... at peace, with what I was, who I was whenever I was close to him.

We headed outside to wait for a taxi, in the taxi ride home, we were silent, we held hands and watched, waiting for the taxi to stop outside the restaurant. It was our first meal out, I'd never been out with someone before in my life. I was never out the closet and dating women when I knew it wouldn't go anywhere, felt... wrong in many ways. I didn't want to be cruel and try and date someone when I knew I'd never be true or faithful, I'd be cruel, unkind and it wouldn't be fair. 

He got out the taxi, laughing sweetly as he offered me his hand. I took it with a thank you as we headed to the restaurant. It looked nice enough, red exterior, the words 'Steak Bar and Grill' in silver lettering. I'd never been but it did look nice enough, somewhere I didn't mind staying, as long as I was with Nick.