Turned

Chapter Forty Eight

Two days, two days it took to stop the pain. I got up and took a much-needed shower, washing the blood off my skin, my own blood. I'd unlocked the door, let Matt in when the hunger subsided, I felt free, my head wasn't clouded by the need to feed off humans. The pain was just cruel, it was sickening, I felt sick inside. My body felt like it was dying, it was breaking only to repair itself. It was horrible, the feeling... that horrific, I couldn't stop myself from feeling like I was breaking, I couldn't stop myself from screaming, begging for an end to the pain.

The water was a warm welcome, spilling down my back, I could feel it, the feeling of shampoo in my hair, washing out the grease and my own blood, washing the blood off my body and out my hair, cleaning it out of my nails. I was horrified to see the dried blood under my fingernails, I'd seen the crime scene of a bed, covers I'd have to wash again because of my stupidity, thinking I could control it.

I stepped out of the water, wrapping myself in a towel. I didn't feel the cold, not normally but the pain I went through... I lived for the cold, it was better than the heat, the searing heat that made me scream, tear myself to pieces.

Putting my clothes on was the best feeling, it didn't hurt to wear them, to wear anything whereas before, I was starved of blood, everything hurt, I wanted to scream... I did. I literally ripped my clothes off to get rid of pain... all that pain.

"Jack?" Matt asked through the door.

"I'm okay" I promised as I put my trousers on.

I opened the door to show I was okay. He didn't hug me, thankfully, if he did, I don't know what he would've done. I wanted to drink but I couldn't, not Matt, that wasn't fair, he saved me when I needed him. He didn't say a word, he just offered me a coffee and let me sit down. I was feeling clearer, but I knew I had a long way to go.

Temptation was cruel... it was sick, they were sick for giving me the blood, but I was sick for taking it, I drank it and that was my fault. I needed to stop, I needed to find a way to stop but... I wasn't sure how I'd do it. I wanted to feed, human blood or... vampire blood, it didn't matter, whatever would end my hunger, whatever would stop it from... hurting Matt. I missed him, I missed talking to him but... I wasn't safe, I knew it and I kept drinking, it just made me more dangerous... much more dangerous.

"How are you feeling?" Matt asked.

"I'm... I'm going to be fine, at the moment... I'm not brilliant but... I'll get there"

"Do you need...?"

"No" I replied quickly.

"Will you be okay?" he asked.

"It'll take time, but I need to... I need to drink and... I need to sort myself out"

"Do you want me to... get it for you?"

"No, no thanks, I'll get it, I need to" I insisted.

I had to. I didn't want them to see Matt, I wanted them to see me, off the vampire blood, the pain was unbearable, I wasn't going to let that happen again, not to me, I didn't want to go through that again.

I walked into the club, taking the back stairs to avoid Nick, I didn't want to see him, I knew that would push me over the edge, make me want to drink the vampire blood again. It didn't let me feel all that pain, it blocked it all and that's part of what I liked, that's what I depended on... I needed that fix. I still needed to drink but I had to be strong, stronger, I couldn't keep feeding off Caleb or Sapphire's blood... it was wrong, wrong of me, wrong of them and it just felt... dirty, disgusting.

I walked up the stairs, remembering how I crawled up them disgracefully, I needed his blood, I had to go through it all to get rid of all that pain... in the end, I just felt more pain than I believed I would've, Matt heard me scream and it took so much effort to not hurt Matt, to not open the door and drink Matt's blood. It was horrible, that feeling, the hunter wanted me to hunt but I refused to hunt. I didn't give up, give in, I fought back, and I won, I stopped myself from killing Matt, from hurting him... I didn't drink his blood, I thought for sure that he'd be dead, but I forced him to live.

The hunger was cruel, I needed human blood, I knew I would.

I walked into my room and opened the fridge, smiling at the bottle of blood. I opened it, sniffed it to make sure there wasn't anything else in it, vampire blood or worse.

I opened it and drained it down, the feeling was euphoric, delightful, beautiful. I fed, and I found feel it rushing me, through my veins. I quickly realised I was being watched, not a camera but a person. I didn't bother to check who it was, I didn't need to. If it was Nick, I'd ignore him, Caleb, I'd throw him, Sapphire, I'd just glare at her and walked away.

"Are you here for work?" Caleb asked.

"Go to Hell"

"Been, been there and back, nice place"

"You're sick" I snapped.

"So are you. Don't you need a drink?"

"No" I replied, stammering.

"No? You don't want it?"

"No" I replied, trying to sound stronger.

"Are you sure?" Caleb questioned as he cut himself, his blood spilling on the floor. "Go ahead, you know you want it, you know you need it"

"No" I snapped as I walked away. 

"You'll be back! I'll welcome you back!" Caleb promised.