Turned

Chapter Thirty Five

We talked for what seemed like hours until he fell asleep. I let him have my room while I lay my head down on the sofa. Although we slept together on a couple of occasions, I didn't want to assume he'd be happy waking up next to me, especially after what I thought... what I genuinely believed. I was ecstatic to find I was wrong, that my suspicions were false, that we were still together, it also stopped me wanting to kill Leo. That didn't stop me being curious though, I guessed I had a few hours until Nick woke up and where certain things would take a human a few hours, it would take me a few minutes to get done.

I didn't tell Matt where I was headed, if I did, he'd tell me not to go but I was curious... fascinated to see, it was an itch I just couldn't stop scratching, something I had to do, despite the consequences being frightening, especially if I was caught but I had to see... I just had to.

I didn't bother with a bus or a train, I kept to the shadows, running the distance. I remembered the place, where so much heartache and pain was caused, as a vampire, the physical wounds would've healed by the psychological damage... it was still there, it needed me to go back, to face it before I could do anything.

I froze for a few brief moments, on top of a large flat roof, looking down at the awful road sign, one of those hideous 'welcome to' signs that I loathed more than anything, mainly because of the memories attached, the time I spent desperately looking at the hideous vomit green sign with the golden letters, just on the border, looking out at the path, the road and bus stop ahead... wondering what it would be like if I just stepped over, if I let myself go but so many times, I stood at the edge, as if a barrier blocked me from stepping over.

I climbed down, hiding in the shadows like a cat as I composed myself, preparing my mind for what would be the toughest of journeys, to see the people I hated the most, the ones I couldn't forgive, even if I wanted to.

I was a mess as I stepped onto the path just outside the barrier, just one baby step forward and I'd be back there, I'd be closer to them than I ever thought I'd be again and that frightened me, the idea of seeing them again filled me with fear. I felt like the child who was beaten with a belt for failing in school or for answering back or just because his father had too many drinks and slurred his words, even though I'd tried so hard to distance myself from that boy, he was me... it was something I'd have to accept, eventually.

I'd hoped they'd forgotten about me or hoped I'd get there and find my mother on her own. If she was, I don't know what I'd do, go and see her, turn around and walk away or just let Lena know. I wasn't sure and that also worried me, I just knew that I had to find closure, I had to let go if I wanted to move on with my life, without them constantly in my mind, without me worrying about my mother, what was happening. What happened to me was unfair but others had it worse than me and unlike many of them, I had a chance to fix it, to end it for good.

I walked past the 'welcome' sign, wanting to burn it or at least rip it off and stomp on it but I had to work on my temper, otherwise I'd lose all ability to even think. Vampirism came with explosive emotions along with strength, speed and heightened senses, all in its lovely package, wrapped up and ready to be forced onto any unsuspecting mortal, like myself, when I was one.

I remembered it well. Matt and I used to camp out in the field close to that sign, we could just see it in the distance. I promised him that one day, I'd cross it, that I'd run, in any direction, I'd save up the money for a bus ticket and travel anywhere, finding any means I could to survive, anything to get away but it was Matt who saved me, it was Matt who helped pull me out, out of the hellhole and the gutter. When I needed him most, he was there, he always had my back, despite what happened, my nightmares and fears, the heartbreak and the pain... even through vampirism, as if even that couldn't part our friendship.

I walked the distance towards the house. All the memories came flooding back, the teary-eyed blue-eyed boy, his back ripped and bloody with bruises and cuts that would become scars, a fear in his eyes as he knew it would continue, no matter what he did to try and right the wrong. Fear had set into his heart... into my heart, I felt hopeless, like no one cared but the truth was... no one noticed, I didn't have the guts to tell anyone the truth, I just hid the truth to protect the family, believing it was normal, that it was what every child went through... I was just a boy, I didn't understand, I couldn't understand.

I saw them through the window. The pain struck me in the heart as I saw my mother, her long strands of black hair, tied back into a neat plait, a casual knitted jumper and a pair of jeans, her usual outfit, one I remembered from living with them. I hoped she was alone, I prayed she was.

She looked towards the window, I could've sworn she saw me before I hid in the bushes, I could've sworn her eyes met mine. I could see the pain in them, the blue eyes we shared. I wanted to knock, to call out her name, to tap on the window... anything but I could hear him in the other room, I could see my mother quickly dropping something onto the coffee table with a tearful sigh.

"What are you doing, Natasha?" the angry, hideous man asked, still wearing the belt that gave me nightmares.

"I... I was... I was going to write a letter" she admitted.

"To Lena?" he asked.

"To Jack, our son"

"Don't you dare say that... sinner's name"

"He is our son!" she complained.

"He is an abomination"

"He is out there somewhere, I only want to know he's okay"

"He's gone!" my father shrieked, lifting his hand up to slap her.

I reacted, I knocked on the door and ran as fast as I could. I didn't want to see them but I knew it would distract him, even for a few moments.

I heard the door swinging open, a grunting man looking outside to see where the noise came from, only to fight to keep my mother inside. "Jack!" she called out, as if she knew I was there... as if she sensed I was there but I didn't look back, I hid in the shadows, I'd done what I wanted, seen what I wanted to see... her... I needed to see her.