A CLOSER STEP TO THE LIE||√

-3-what r they

      (At home-8:30pm)ok such a wierd day .shall i forget it or no?.yes its better to forget .i started crying very much!then i went to the cobored i took a bag very old one i didn't know what was kept in it so i opened it and surprisely some photos felt from the ground .yes!photos,photos of me when i was young of me when i was innocent .i felt that my eye had dried a last true drop of water slipped from my eyes through my cheek to the picture of me "am I crazy?"i whispeard any ways! I flipped over the pictures, a picture after a picture .and looking on them remembering my past feeling my present and emagening my future .but still thinking of the same situation , why that ugly feeling of worrying , why should I even care , when I asked my friend, she told me that love is meant to be on the fate, for example if your fate is to love you will love if no then no every thing is fate .ok I think if I believed this I may feel better, or what?,ok so now mostly I'm teenager

       I know that I will be stressed for a that time .wait well maybe I should constrain more about my studies ok I opened my homework notes and what do I have? Umm, physics , math, (your language) ok I hate these three any ways a soon as I oppened the math book I got a call from Rebbica yeah my bestie  , hey, I said ,in a tierd voice, yes !my voice seems like I cried ,well, I did but I thought rebbica shan't know! Hey your voice seems tierd perrie  is every think alright? Said rebbica , am well but I was just having a bad mood, don't worry about it, ok?I said , and my tears was back hidden in my eyes wishing for her to end the call and then I will start crying again all alone , sure ? Replied rebbica , yes yes just a bad mood I said and fastly ended the call by one touch .bye I whispeared before I close, my eyes moved a tear down my cheeks it went with out of my wish or control but my heart's . In some momment of my life or should I say lifeu like how rebbica says it becouse she is crazy with bangtan boys or bts whatever, in some momment of my life I wish death some times out of my control somthing is moving me and am harmming my self ;hmmm alot of confusing things happenes daily but some little things happens which touches our heart some goes and some will stay forever some sad and some good but for me mostly sad , still remember how they treated me when I was young remember why do I need to hide on my mother , remember each and every friend ship and break up remember the silly mistakes of me and silly mistakes of them why we broke up and why are we back , heh remember the school photo which the teacher took O remembered when my mom questioned me why were they away of you in the picture I remember my reply nervously but I think she believed a lie , well I started seeing all my dark memories hidden in the edge of ma heart was tgat tge meaning of "when you are a teenager you will see you dark side"? Maybe?! But each and every memory pass through my eye I feel embarrassed and started hating my self , but what are those thoughts which goes to my mind and it journy it kills me thousands? Every time day and minute well when I think in any thing these dark thoughts comes in and am tryna push them all out but do I really need to know if it works well better not coz I know it doesn't so shaould I get used to it or what ? Perhaps ! Am used to it already but no one will be used to pain specially the one which effect you deep in your heart but the most important question is what are they ?