Do Not Fucking Touch Me // Reddie

Forty

(Author's Note: Can I just say how crazy it is for this fanfic to be at 21k reads? Wow thank you all for supporting it so much :) I'll try to stop emotionally tormenting everyone lol whoops))

(Eddie's POV)

"Happy Birthday, Eddie!" another random person greeted me in the hall at school. My uncle and Richie had both tried explicitly to get me going back to school. It was hard. I knew that my secret had escaped me and now everyone knew I was a freak. My birthday seemed a better day than ever if I was going to do it. 

I smiled weakly at each face in the hall. Richie was making up tests from the days he missed because of me. Even though my absences had been excused after a long meeting with the principal, Richie's hadn't. He had to make everything up. I was thankful they didn't make me do that. I didn't know if I could take it, with the amount of things that were on my mind. 

I walked the halls alone. It had been a long time since I had ever done that. It seemed that I always had Bill or Richie by my side, maybe even Stan. For now, I was by myself, on my fourteenth birthday.

Fourteen. What a pointless age. You're too old to go trick or treating, too young to do anything fun. Richie was already fourteen, so was Stan. Bill was the only one younger than me, and it didn't even seem like it. I was so fucking small, I looked years younger than anyone in the group. 

A girl walked past me and smiled. It was weird. When I almost died, I got more attention than I ever did before. I went to the bathroom and waltzed to the furthest stall. I started to cry. I didn't know why. I had no real reason to be upset. 

I buried my hands in my face. My thought process was a jumbled up mess. It felt like static flowed through my brain and it just made me ache even more. The silence of the bathroom only amplified my sobs. I tried to stop, but I couldn't. 

I lifted my head upon hearing the door to the bathroom open. I immediately ceased my incessant whining and noticed a particularly badly drawn graffiti on the bathroom stall. 

It read, 'I love Eddie Kapsbrack'. I smiled. I knew it was Richie who scribed the words on the stall door in his messy handwriting. I tore a piece of toilet paper off the roll next to me and dabbed at my eye with it until all the tears seeped into the fabric. I took a deep breath and went out of the stall. I looked at myself in the mirror. 

I am going to love me too, I told myself. I looked myself in the eye as I thought it. I needed to love myself, because I couldn't love Richie as well if I didn't, and he couldn't love me either. I wanted to feel the way he felt about me, and be proud of how strong I was. I didn't see that quality reflected in myself, but I would one day. He made me promise I would. 

I, Eddie Kapsbrack, was going to love me too.