Do Not Fucking Touch Me // Reddie

Forty Seven

(Eddie's POV)

It became routine, running to the mailbox after school. The mail got sorted out, and it arrived all at once, his entire week's story, on Mondays. Each week I would sprint from the bus to my uncle's house, open the mailbox and flip through the letters. He would label them by the date on the outside, in case I lost track. I really appreciated that, since he sent so many. I felt bad for not writing him as much. School was becoming really hard to focus on. I went to counseling every Sunday afternoon, like clockwork. School, home, and there were the only places I went anymore. I hadn't been to Richie's house in two weeks. It felt odd, considering I had been visiting there since first grade every weekend, and then later, every day. 

Richie seemed to be improving already. I was so proud to read his success stories. He calculated his calories on the same page that he wrote me on, so I knew just how much better he was getting. At first, he couldn't hold down anything more than a mere 100 calories. He would snack on almonds or baby carrots. The latest note told me that he finally finished a slice of pizza. 

I knew he would look different upon his return. He would be less lean, less boney, less lanky. I was okay with that, I was just concerned about if he would learn to love that about himself. I didn't love Richie for his body, or his looks at all. I loved him for how he made me feel important when I felt lost and alone. I felt that way again now without him. 

I stayed strong for him. The cuts in my arm reminded me how important that was, especially the ones that spelled out his name. It was meant as something I hated about myself before, how he made me feel like I wanted to die. Now I looked at his name scarred over as a symbol of my love. He made me want to get better, and every time I saw it, I remembered. 

I sealed my most recent letter with a kiss and placed it gently in my mailbox. 

Dear Rich,

I haven't thought about dying lately. I guess that's good. I think about you a lot though. I'm always glad to hear that you're doing well. It keeps me going. 

We've come so far, haven't we? 

Just a month ago, you and I were both in bad places. I was considering suicide, and actually tried to follow through with it. You were dying by the second. 

We're both on the road to recovery now. It's crazy that we drove ourselves insane, but now we can try and fix that, and that it's working. 

I feel pretty bad, but not out of the ordinary. I'm not doing well in school, which is stressing me out, but that's about it. Someone said there was a chicken pox outbreak at school, so I don't think I'm going tomorrow, just to be safe. 

Stan and Lucy are dating now. He wanted me to let you know. I guess he figures you'll be proud of him or something. He sits with me at lunch now, so does Lucy and Ben. They're kind of the only people I talk to now. My uncle sits in his room alone, or on the couch, or wherever. I hardly have any conversations with him anymore. 

Guess what, Richie? Bev is coming back for the summer! Isn't that great! Ben is so happy about it. Apparently they write back and forth too. You and her will both be getting here around the same time. 

I hope Charles doesn't drive you too crazy tonight. Stay strong, love.

With all my heart,

Eddie.