Do Not Fucking Touch Me // Reddie

Sixty Three

(Eddie's POV)

The Afterparty.

My first high school partying experience was something out of a teen movie. Richie's friends from the soccer team were all getting hammered at this rich kid's big house. I was concerned, the whole time. All I could think about was the possibilities. The possibilities of alcohol poisoning, dying of drunken foolishness, puking, oh god, it all circled around my head. 

Richie was enjoying himself. He was taking shots with Lucy and Stan. He beckoned me over. I held the little glass to my lips and tipped my head back as I threw the clear liquid down my throat like everyone else. It stung my throat and was bitter to the tongue. It tasted like hand sanitizer or something. This cannot be something people enjoy doing, I thought. I stuck out my tongue in disgust. Richie looked over and tossled my hair about playfully, and continued to laugh with the others. My face was struck with a frown I couldn't lift into a smile. I asked someone where the bathroom was, and the pointed their shaky hand down a long hall. I nodded so to say thanks, and left the group. I just needed to look at myself in the mirror and maybe it would help me get my nerves in line. 

Once I stumbled in the bathroom, I locked the door. I didn't want any couples making out seeking a space to continue their actions walking in on me looking like a psycho. I held both of my hands upon the edges of the sink and stared deeply into my own two eyes. The muddy brown color seemed to swirl around in my vision. Was I drunk? Already? Was this what being drunk felt like? It was so odd, so unfamiliar. All I wanted to do was cry. 

Soon enough, I was. I was crying like a little baby, bawling my eyes out. I couldn't look at myself any longer, of being purely ashamed of the sight in front of me. This wasn't me. This wasn't the life I wanted. I wanted the summer before, where Richie and I would stay in bed all day and cuddle, watch movies, go on picnic dates, where I was truly happy. High school wasn't fun. It was hard enough to get through my classes day to day. Feeling like I was losing the one person I loved the most broke me more than algebra ever could. I had no friends either, no real friends. I wouldn't have any friends if it weren't for Richie. Fuck this. Why couldn't I have a good life without him? Why was I nothing without him? This isn't happiness at all. This isn't love. 

A knock came from the other side of the door. I shifted my vision over to the wooden door and sniffed loudly. I dried my tears with a towel and prepared to meet my boyfriend on the other side, who had most likely realized I slipped away without him noticing. I unlocked the door and tried my best to appear casual. While the door swung open, a familiar face came into the light. 

It wasn't Richie, although the likeness was uncanny. It was Mike. 

"Eddie, hi! Wait, are you okay?" he asked, realizing how watery my eyes were. 

I looked down. "I'm fine."

He stopped me as I tried to walk away. "Come on. You're my friend. You can tell me if something's borrowing you."

I frowned and looked to my right. In the kitchen I could see Richie, on his next shot, yelling and laughing. He was just fine without me.

"Okay, I'll tell you. Can we go somewhere else, though? It's kinda loud." 

He nods and smiles softly. We walk toward the stairs and pass couple after couple. It seemed like everyone was making out this party. I wasn't one of them, but that was the least of my problems. I just didn't want to be here, at all. 

Mike and I found an empty room and sat on the bed. "Okay, what is this about?" he questioned. 

I sighed deeply. "I think I might be depressed. Every day things just keep getting worse. I don't know if I'm ever going to be happy, or if any of this is even worth it." 

Mike put a hand on my back. "Aw, Eddie. I never knew you felt this way."

I let a tear slip from my eye. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder in support. I guess I did have a friend after all. It felt nice knowing that, too. I wasn't alone after all.

"Why don't you tell anyone?" he asked bluntly. I bit my lip.

"I don't know what I would do if anyone found out. I don't know what I would do if Richie found out."

Mike pulled me into a hug.

"If I found out what?" 

Mike and I both spun around to see a teary eyed Richie standing in the frame of the opened door. He shook his head and walked off the other way.

"Richie! Richie wait!"

I got into the hall and searched around me. He was gone.