Mr.Jones | A Captain Swan AU

24. Halloween |PART ONE|

October 31, 2017
Emma's P.O.V.

After I clicked off my alarm, I rolled back over and just stared at the ceiling. It was what I had done all night long. I couldn't sleep anymore. I missed her too much. I had too much pain. I had what seemed to be a hole in my heart that could only be filled by Mary Margaret.

She was the only one who was able to keep me going. The only one who didn't think that I was a screw up. The only one I could ever really depend on before I met Killian, and before David and her took me in as, basically, their child.

James and Katherine made me feel like dirt, scum, a parasite really. Like no matter where I went, I was ruining everyone's lives with just my presence. I felt I didn't matter; I felt like I didn't belong. I felt like giving up. I didn't understand what the point was to live when my life was full of constant hurt, but then I met Mary Margaret.

She was the first glimmer of hope. She was the first person or thing to make me feel the slightest glimpse of happiness in forever. She was my hero, my savior. Without her, I probably wouldn't be alive today, and that is why it sucks. It's sucks that I don't have her. I do have her, but I don't.

She is here, alive, in this world, but it just isn't enough for me. I need her. I need her awake, and I need her to be there for me. I need her help and her guidance, because at this point I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do about everything that has been happening, and I really just don't want to deal with it. All I want is my mom back. My real mom. The mom who actually took care of me, not the one who allowed my father to hit me and beat me countless times. I miss her, and there is nothing I can do about it.

Which is exactly why I am laying here, in my bed, staring at the ceiling. My arms and legs fully spread apart as if I am a star fish. I stare at the ceiling, tracing the different patterns and indents in it with my eyes. It was such a beautiful way that they made the ceiling and it probably took lots of time to do it, but no one paid attention to it. No one ever noticed it, they just cared that it was there to keep out the outside wind and rain.

What if there was a tornado or something that blew the ceiling away? Would they care about it then? Would they care about how that ceiling probably saved their life? I don't understand why people take these little things for granted when the little things are really the big things. They are the things that have more impact on your life. I just don't understand why people can't be more op-

There was a knock on my bedroom door that interrupted my thoughts.

"Emma?" I heard whispered through the door. It was Killian. Why is he here? I thought he is supposed to be at school. "Emma? Are you in there?" He asked as he knocked on the door again.

"Yeah," I spoke, quieter then what I expected. He slowly crept the door open until his head was able to poke through.

"Can I come in?" He asked after glancing around the room.

"Yeah," I replied, a bit louder this time. I sat up and scooched back against the head board of my bed. Killian came in and sat on the opposite corner of the bed from me.

"Are you okay?" He asked me genuinely as a more sincere look came across his face.

I played with my thumbs that sat in my lap. "I'm fine," I lied as I shrugged my shoulders. Killian scooched closer to me and took my hands in his.