Mistakes ||Sequel to Party||

36

WARNING:
SUICIDE AND SELF HARM TRIGGERS

Leondre's POV:
I sit on the floor in my room. The door is locked. The curtains are closed. And the rope is hanging from the ceiling. My cheeks are wet from all the tears I've cried. Why can't I just be like everybody else? Why do I have to be different?

I sigh and look down at my arm. It's bleeding so damn much. I look at my other arm, and then my hand. My knuckles are white from gripping the knife so hard. I close my eyes and lower the knife against my sore skin again. I press deep and wince in pain. I slowly drag the knife over the pale skin and then lift it again.

That should be enough.
I turn around and look at the clock on the wall. Half past five. It was starting to go dark outside already. I gulp. If Charlie cared, then he would have been here by now. In fact he should've been here long ago. Maybe I can wait another five minutes...?

I made some new scars with the knife. I should've stopped cutting like an hour ago, but I wanted to see if Charlie would come before I... did it. So this is just a thing to pass time. It isn't really working though. I should just give up. He won't come anyway.
That makes me even more sad to know that no one cares. No one would give a fuck if I died and no one will give a fuck when I'm gone. I know that, so well. But still there's something inside of me that still hopes that Charlie will be here soon, even though I know he won't come at all.

I grab the roll of toilet paper beside me, rip off some pieces and wipe away the blood from the knife. My brain is going crazy while I do so.
Did Charlie ever love me in the first place?
Was he just trying to make me feel better?
Was he just using me?
"Would he really pretend to love me for two years?" I say out loud quietly to myself. I highly doubt that, but the voices in my head think that it makes absolute sense.

When the time is ten past six I give up. He doesn't care about me, he never did. How could I be so stupid? I told him all my deepest secrets too, he will probably spill it all. No one will even go to my funeral. I won't even have a funeral because no one wants to arrange it. No one cares.
Then I start to think about something; what's the point in committing suicide if no one will notice? I know it isn't just for attention, you do it because you aren't feeling well, and I am not feeling well. But still... I mean, isn't suicide also at least a little bit about getting attention? And then you are supposed to get all the attention in the world, but you're not alive so you can't experience it.

But at the same time, what's the point in living if no one cares? If you walk alone, on a schoolyard full of students, then something is wrong, right? Something is wrong with you, right?
And then you get beaten up everyday until you can't breathe. And that continues until you get released from the prison of existence, right? Isn't that the case?
If I only knew how wrong I am....

Charlie's POV:
Me, Mia and Harvey rush out of the apartment to my car. Harvey takes the wheel since my feelings are too out of control and I would probably kill us all. It's just safer this way, okay?
I sit in the passenger seat and Mia in the backseat.
Suddenly my phone starts to ring. I look at the screen to see an unknown number before hesitantly answering the call and bringing the phone to my ear.
"Hello?"
"Charlie?" The voice on the other side of the phone asks back. It's a woman. I recognize the voice, but I can't remember who it is. I try to think for a few seconds, but my brain won't work because of all the worry filling my head. So finally I have to ask.
"Who is this?" I say.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's Victoria, Leondre's mum." The woman answers. I freeze.
"How did you get my number?" I ask kind of rude, feeling anger build up. Leo's mum has never been nice to him, so I don't see a reason to be nice to her.
"Long story, but-" She starts, but I cut her off.
"Is Leo there? Is he okay? You haven't hurt him, right?" I ask worriedly. Harvey turns his head and looks at me a bit confused.
"Leo's mum?" He mouths at me. I nod.

"That's the reason I called, Charlie. Leondre has locked himself in in is room and he won't open the door." She explains and I roll my eyes. No surprise by the way you've treated him all those years, I think to myself. "He's been there for hours now and I think he's cutting or something."
Victoria actually seems worried for Leo for once. Is she still mean to him? What if he isn't even there? Maybe she just tricks me so that I will go there and god knows what plans she has.
But I immediately push away those thoughts while Harvey continues to drive to Leo's mum's house. I mean, we're soon there anyway.

"I've called Joey too and he will be here any second, but you were the only one I could think of that could actually make Leondre open the door." Victoria says slowly, I can hear that she's actually worried for real. That makes me realize the seriousness in this. We really have to get to her house as fast as possible. I start to realize that this is actually between life and death.
"We're already on our way." I force myself to say, even though it makes me feel like she won some sort of argument.

"Please, hurry, Charlie." She says with a lump in her throat. I sigh, forcing myself to say the words.
"We will, just make sure he won't do anything stupid before we get there."

"Thanks. Wait, we?" She asks a bit confused.
"Me and my friends." I explain.
"Oh, okay..."

The rest of the conversation is totally unimportant, but as soon as I cancelled the call, Mia leaned forward to me.
"Is he there?" She asks, her voice serious.
"Yeah, but he has locked himself up into his room for hours and she's really worried for him..." I reply, looking down at my phone even though it is locked.
"Do you think he will commit sui-" Mia starts before she can stop himself.
"Mia..." Harvey interrupts her before they both look at me. I feel a wave of sadness wash over me as the thought come to my mind. I just hope we will get there in time.

"Oh... I'm sorry...." She says slowly. "I didn't- I just- Sorry."

"I-It's okay..." I answer slowly.

The last of the ride we are all quiet. Even if they would talk, I wouldn't hear them because I'm too busy with my thoughts. When we arrive, I will be prepared for anything. He probably won't be alive. I won't have my hopes up because then I can only get let down by myself. So if I imagine the worst things and prepare for that, then it won't hurt as much, right...?

Word count: 1232

HERE IT FINALLY IS! I'M SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU WAITING, BUT I HOPE YOU LIKE IT. Soon, this book will be over; I know, I know, it will be sad, BUT I'm planning on a Christmas speciaaaal. So I think I'm gonna do a SHORT third book in this series that's a Christmas special. I am not completely sure yet, but I'm gonna do my best. At least I'm gonna do anything. So I hope you will have something to look forward to.

Thank you so so so so much for all the support and love I get all the time, it means a lot. I can't thank you enough, but I just want you to know that in every single vote you give, for every single little short comment you leave, for every read you give this story I get really happy. It really warms my heart. So I just want to thank you for everything. I love you all! Take care of each other!