LOST SOULS ✰ CAPTAIN SWAN ✅

Chapter 14 ✰ You've Raised The Bar Very High

Killian just stood there and stared into the living room. He couldn't believe that this was really happening. Emma and Neal didn't noticed his presence. They were caught up in the moment and cuddled each other. Neal turned around his face, but Emma did the same. Their lips were almost touching each others. Emma seemed surprised but didn't let go of him. Killian felt a deep ache in his chest, but kept himself quiet.

Neal wrapped his arms around her and pressed his lips on hers. Killian's whole world collapsed in just a few seconds. He smashed the door and ran outside. Before Emma could even realize what happened, he was gone. 'I guess someone saw something he didn't want to'. Neal grinned. Emma stared right into his eyes. She felt the anger burning within her. 'You knew he was there!?' she yelled. Neal nodded which made her even more angry. 'How could you do this? You know I'm married!'.

Neal snorted. 'So you blame me? How hypocrite! You were the one who started cuddling me. You invited me here in the first place!'. Deep inside Emma knew he was right. She should blame herself too. She sank onto the sofa and bent over, her face buried in her palms. Her shoulders shook as she tried to contain her sobs.

Neal sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her. She shook him off. 'Please... don't make this any worse' she sobbed. 'I think it's better when I go. I'll bring Henry home tomorrow. Go search him if you truly love him, Emma.' he said. Neal stood up, called for Henry and left with him. Neal was right. She had to find him and she knew exactly where he would be now...

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Killian was right where she expected him to be: on the Jolly Roger. He always went to his ship when he doesn't know what to do or when things get difficult. He stood there with his face turned to the sea and lending over the wooden railing. She walked closer to him. 'What are you doing here?' he sniffed without looking at her. His voice was like ice. Cold and unforgiving. It gave her the chills.

He turned around and faced her. She looked into his eyes. Normally it makes her drown, but this time she saw a distant and painful look. It was like he wasn't really with her right now. Like he was lost in a different place and time. 'Killian, I'm so...' she started. 'Let me guess. You're sorry and it won't happen again?' he finished her sentence. She swallowed. 'I really am sorry. It shouldn't have ever happened...'

Killian rolled his eyes. 'But it did happen' he answered cold. She wiped a tear from her cheek. 'It was a mistake. I'm so sorry! I really am...'. His face turned softer, sadder. He tucked her hair behind her ear. 'Do you love him?'. There was a silence for a moment. 'Do you love Neal?' he repeated. All the breath was knocked out of her. She couldn't say yes, but she couldn't say no either. His face said it all. 'In your hesitation, I found my answer'. He turned around again.

'Killian...' Emma couldn't hold her tears anymore. 'I'm messed up... I messed this up but what I do know is that I love you... with every part of me.' He smiled for a moment but then his face was serious again. 'Maybe that's not enough. With all that smiles you brought me, I never thought you could cause me tears.'

'I didn't want to hurt you. It was a mistake!' she yelled still in tears. 'You couldn't even tell me if you love him or not. I don't think you can call it a mistake if you don't even know that'. He wiped a tear from her cheek. 'But I want this to work out... I want us to work out' she almost begged. 'If you could read my mind, you'd know how hard I tried Emma. You broke my heart today, but I still love you with all the pieces'. Tears welled up in his eyes.

'You.... you want to divorce?' she could hardly get the words out. He took her hand. 'No I don't want to, love. I think you should figure out what you want. What you really want'. She sighs with relief. 'I really want to be with you'. It didn't convince him. 'Listen, Swan. You've had feelings for Neal before. Seeing him again is complicated, I really do understand that, but you have a son together and a history... You've raised the bar very high for me... and the fact is that I can't measure up. That's why you couldn't tell me if you love him or not'.

She could see the pain in his eyes but he was still being the kind guy. It made her feel more guilty about what she did. 'So, what are we going to do then?' she finally asked. 'I think I move out for a while to give you the time you need'. There was a silence again. She stared into his eyes. 'Will you wait for me?' He took her hand in his, carassed her palm with his finger. 'For you I'd wait'

Tears welled up in her eyes again. 'Why will you wait for me? I'm horrible' she sobbed. He took her head between his hands and kissed her forehead. 'You're not horrible. I want you to be happy. I wait for you because I don't want anybody else'. She smiled to him, but inside she's dying. 

He grabbed her hand and squeezed it softly. He bent over and pressed a kiss on her cheek. 'Goodbye, love'

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It was sooo hard to write this chapter... It's also my longest chapter so far.  I really love CS and Emma is kind of a bitch in this fanfiction. I will make it up to you guys! ;)