{Bad at love}
ship: halsey x reader
genre: sad
trigger warnings: n/a
word count: 944
other: based on true events
ﻬ ﻬ ﻬ
I untangled myself from her arms and frowned as she softly groaned and turned her back to me.
I sighed, leaving the bed and going into the bathroom, quietly closing the door behind me.
I slumped onto the toilet seat and deeply sighed again, staring at the blinding light on the ceiling that burned my eyes. It wasn't was painful as our relationship though, which almost felt like a job now.
I took out my phone and went to my messages, pressing the one entitled with her name. I moved my thumb down the screen, scrolling upwards, back to the time when she actually loved and cared about me. When she'd say "I love you" and mean it, when she'd ask me how I was and how my day went, when she'd call me beautiful and when she'd be the one to message me.
It was like she became dependent on me. Like she expected me to adore her, to message her every morning. It was like she started to take me for granted all of a sudden and when i'd call her out on it she'd say "it's not you, it's me"
Every single time, i'd be stupid enough to fall for it. To actually believe her and give her the benefit of the doubt.
A few tears started to slip from my eyes as the time turned 1:37am. My hands started to shake and I felt my heart thump faster. I felt cold.
My whole body started to shake and it wasn't too long until I completely broke apart and began crying loudly, bringing my knees to my chest.
I heard her knock harshly on the bathroom door.
"Ashley?!"
I stopped instantly, wiping my face quickly "Y-Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
I stayed quiet before speaking.
"Have I done something wrong?" I asked softly.
She took her time before replying "You haven't done anything wrong. I have so much going on. I'm so stressed and being sick and stressed on top of that is making things hard for me. I'm sorry if i'm causing pain and frustration"
I scoffed "You're stressed? And i'm not? It's just...sometimes I feel like you don't care about anything I do or say and I just feel like you'd rather be with someone else than me. Wow, I sound so pathetic. Actually, you know what, yeah. Yeah, I do feel frustrated because I feel like i'm being ignored sometimes"
She sighed "See, the thing is, I do care and even though I might not show it enough, I really do care. I can understand why you feel like you're being ignored sometimes but I really don't know what to say anymore. I'm sorry for making you feel like this, you don't deserve it"
I sighed loudly "Like I said, i'm stressed too because you know, it's really stressful when you constantly feel like you've done something wrong"
"I know, I know but i'll try and show I care more cause I clearly haven't been doing it enough lately"
I got up and pulled open the door, fuming "Look. I'm not trying to sound patronising but it really frustrates me when I text you every single day and ask you how you are and how you're doing and then when I say I don't feel well, you don't even ask me am I okay and i'm over here worrying about how you are every single second. I mean, you'd be really frustrated too"
She groaned in frustration "I don't know! I've been a bitch and that's okay like I haven't put in the effort and i'm sorry like I really am like i've been such a shitty person and you don't deserve that and it's not fair that I don't ask how you're doing, how you're life is and it's not fair for you to have to worry about me when I don't show an interest in you. But I do care!" her voice went high at the end as she squealed at me, frustrated and angry. But not as much as me.
I pointed to myself "I never called you a bitch or a shitty person! All i'm asking is that you take an interest in my life when I take a massive one in yours. I feel like i'm wasting my time sometimes!" I pushed my hair back away from my face, looking away from her so I wouldn't have to see her face. It'd be easier to look at if she actually showed remorse in her eyes.
"I never said you called me either of those things!" she spat at me "I'm telling you. If you feel like this Ashley, well maybe we should just be friends so you don't have to worry as much about me and then, you won't feel like you're wasting your time" her lip curled as she threw my words back in my face "I'm trying to do this is the most mature and responsible way"
I scoffed "Look. I want you in my life but sometimes I feel like you don't want me in yours"
She put her hands up and walked away from the bathroom door.
I scowled "Where are you going?"
"Home. To my own bed. I'm too tired to do this" she grabbed a jacket "We can finish tomorrow"
Before she left my room she turned to me "We will fix this, I promise you"
I wasn't until she left and she was walking away from me when I spoke again.
"Goodbye"
