monster » baekhyun ✓

chapter 17

I turned on the water and watched it mix with Chanyeol's blood and disappear in the sink. I had no idea how long I spent washing my trembling hands before I came to my senses. My face was emotionless, but my eyes were shining with horror when I slowly raised my head and looked at my reflection in the mirror in front of me. No matter how much I tried to not think about it, I couldn't help it but to think about the past over and over again. The memories were repeating in my mind and it was slowly starting to drive me insane. 

I could hear my psychiatrist's voice in my head and it was so vivid that it was almost like he was standing by my side even now and speaking in to my ear.

'' How did that make you feel, Hajin? How did their mean words make you feel? You were angry and you wanted to hurt them, but in reality, don't you think that there is a chance that there was a bit of truth in what they were saying. Someone who can remember everything since the day they were born isn't really normal, don't you think? ''

'' I... I can't help it if I was born a monster. '' 

'' No, you really can't. Some people are just born wrong. '' 

I vigorously blinked my eyes a few times, but no matter how much I tried, the memories didn't go away. Sure, having an eidetic memory had it's perks, but there were also a lot of bad things about it. Remembering everything meant remembering the bad too and reliving it over and over again. No matter how many days, weeks, months or even years passed, it was still right there. Every time you closed your eyes, as vivid as if it happened yesterday.

I shook my head and walked out of the bathroom. It was right in the middle of visiting hours and the hallway of the hospital was filled with patients and visitors. I was going to go straight to the intensive care unit, but I suddenly stopped on my tracks and gazed at a happy family that just walked out of one of the rooms. The mother and father were holding the hands of the daughter and they were all smiling. I stood there until they walked past me and I heard them talking about how they'll take her out for ice cream to make her tonsils feel better as soon as the doctors will let her out of the hospital. I turned my head, looked over my shoulder and tried to imagine myself as the girl and my own parents holding my hands. I was watching them until the happy family disappeared behind the corner. Then my features distorted in to a frown and I quickly started walking again. 

A family relationship like that was an unreachable dream for someone like me. 

The one thing closest to a family that I had was the murder investigations team.

I walked down the hallway and saw Baekhyun standing in front of the door to Chanyeol's room. His hand was just above the doorknob and it looked like he was trying to bring himself to enter. I quietly sneaked behind him and purposely pushed him inside the room. He stumbled forward with surprise, turned over his shoulder and looked at me with annoyance: '' What the hell? Why did you do that? ''

'' I am there to push or kick you to do the right thing when you aren't sure about it yourself, '' I carelessly replied and flashed a smile in his direction. His dark eyes slightly widened at the sound of my words, then he looked towards Chanyeol's bed and stopped again. Seeing his best friend laying there, attached to different beeping machines and fighting for his life clearly pained him. He couldn't seem to find the courage to move, so I grabbed his wrist, dragged him the rest of the way and pushed him down on the chair next to Chanyeol's bed. '' You should be here when he wakes up. ''

'' He doesn't want to see me, '' he nervously replied and looked down at his shaky hands.

'' Chanyeol misses the person he was when he was with you, '' I said and sat down on the chair next to his. I sighed and the smile that I was forcing on my face slowly began to fade away. '' I'm waiting for Xiumin's call right now. He is waiting for approval from the chief, but as soon as he'll get it we'll go to mister Hwang's house. Not you though. Here is where you need to be right now and I'll take care of the rest. ''