monster » baekhyun ✓

chapter 25

I was sitting in the psychiatrist's office and looking out the window. The leaves on the tree that was growing outside were bright orange and I couldn't help it but to think of all the time that I spent coming here. I watched the tree bloom in the spring, I saw the birds sitting on the branches and chirping in the summer and now it was already autumn and I still felt as uncomfortable as I did during my first few visits. The psychiatrist said it was a process and that it was natural for me to fear her because of everything I went through. She was certain one day I will be able to get over that. I just had to keep reminding myself that he couldn't hurt me anymore.

A lot of things went down after I got shot in the chest. I was asleep at the hospital and fighting for my life, but time kept moving. 

Kwan Taeshik was serving a life sentence in prison. He was stuck in solitary confinement and no one was allowed to visit him. It wasn't like anyone would want to anyways. Chanyeol was slowly getting himself and his life together. He was going to a psychiatrist once a week to talk about how he was doing and he was starting to learn the difference between right and wrong. Xiumin and his wife's child was born. Jongdae managed to convince the chief of the police station to let him take a longer vacation and he went to China to visit his family. He also met up with Yixing, who was doing well at his new job. Supposedly he promised to come visit us very soon. Hye-rin was in a steady relationship now and she was dating some kind of rich businessman for three months already. Sehun was probably the one who changed the least.

'' What are you going to do, So Hajin? '' 

The psychiatrist has been asking me that question for the past three weeks. The doctors said that I could leave the hospital today, it was time for me to get back to my regular life, but the problem was that I had no idea what to do. The memory of my police career were slowly coming back and Xiumin already told me that I will always have a saved position in his team, but I wasn't sure if I still wanted that. With memories came other things as well.

'' I don't know, '' I quietly answered and continued looking outside.

'' Why? Why don't you know if you want to keep chasing your dream? ''

My breath got caught in my throat and I struggled for a moment before whispering: '' I'm... ''

'' Scared. I know you are. Don't worry, I'm here to help you, '' the woman answered and smiled. She wrote something on her notepad before suddenly opening one of the drawers of her desk. I turned my head with surprise at the sound of her movement and looked at her. She was smiling widely and trying to keep me to say calm. '' I'm here to help you and I know you need to face your fears. That's why I asked one of your friends to give me something. ''

She pulled a gun from the drawer and placed it on her desk. My heart instantly skipped a beat at the sight of the weapon and began racing faster. My hands trembled and the fear was evident in my voice when I murmured: '' You are way out of line. ''

The woman grabbed the gun and stood up. I was instantly on my feet and backing away with a terrified expression on my face. She started walking closer and tears began gathering in my eyes. I suddenly reached the end of her office, my back hit the wall and she stopped right in front of me. '' Are you really going to let your fears win, So Hajin? You took a bullet to the chest and you were bleeding from your heart and you can't even look at a gun now. You defeated death and now you are scared of some tool. ''

I was shaking with fear and looking at the gun in her hand with wide eyes. Just then I noticed the tiny scratch marks on one side of it and realised something. That gun was mine. It was the one I used while I worked as a crime scene investigator.

'' That bullet scar is a sign of strength. ''

I took a deep breath and slowly raised my trembling hand. My breath was shaky, my heart was racing in my chest and tears were falling down my cheeks. For a split second, I touched the gun. Then another memory came back.