He Calls Me Harmony

Chapter twenty four: Crescendo

I had thought my life was all but over 

Never wanting to take a chance on loving again 

I was destined to be alone 

I had accepted that choice , knowing that i wouldn't be hurt again 

My life has changed drastically in a year 

Some for the better and some for the worse 

There's choice's that i wish i could change 

and then there's some i wish to remain the same-*Unknown*

I have read that  poem numerous of times. I read it everyday when i lost her. It is a snippet of it but that is all i needed to express how  i truly felt; lost, hurt, and lonely. Most say that when you ask someones hand in marriage that just as long as one feels it in their heart they should do it. Love has no limit. No being can tell another that they have to wait a certain amount of time before they can say i love you. Love is too strange that way. Love is unpredictably beautiful and undeniably insane. Is that not why we all fall victim to it? It catches us at the most strangest of times. So who are we; No who am i to ignore loves call? A fool. Thats who. 

The ride back to my shabby apartment was delicate. Maybe a little too delicate but sadly that is how it went. When we returned home i remained silent. Jermaine tried to banish my silence with his corny jokes and annoying jestures. He finally gave way to my silence with a sigh. Joya on the other hand, watched me. I know she wanted so badly to apologize for whatever wrong she has done. Yet she doesb't say a thing. I usually like the silence between Joya and I. We hhave that connection to where we can say anything without muttering a word. When we finally entered into my home, my mother pulled Joya to the side. Knowing my mother she is probably digging her nose into the obvious awkward tension between Joya and I. I actually do not mind. I know my mother only wants to help; even of it means giving a whole speech. I am elated that my family has grown so fond of Joya so quickly; I guess they can say the same for me. i reiterate; love is strange. I am especially proud of Joseph. He is another one of those silent critiques. He is not a man of few words, but when he says less, you are on his better sides. I decide to get some fresh air. I would have notified someone but everyone was seemingly occupied. Jermaine; kidding around with Latoya. Marlon; rough housing with Jackie. Randy; expressing to Joseph about his insane dreams for a motor oil company (Our father wants us to become doctors or work somewhere where employers wear suits and have a huge income; he doesn't know that these days, that takes too much work). There is no sign of Tito so i continue walking outside. Remember when i said i love nature. I want to change that; i admire it too. From every beautiful vertices of a maple tree to the ever transforming butterfly. I often find myself wondering how God was able to create this. I mean he is only one man. In the mist of my thoughts i hear a voice approaching from behind me. "Michael? I knew i would find you here", The voice said revealing himself as one of my eldest siblings; Tito. "Oh hey", i replied softly still in a gaze of my recent wanderings. Tito smiles and squats beside me (I was sitting on the side walk). "Alright tell me", He said knowingly. I frown in confusion. "What?", He sighs. "Ever since we left the park you have been looking a bit down. Who pooped in your oatmeal?", I chuckle. He would always use that phrase to lighten the mood; it has never failed him. "I think i may be moving to fast", He nods for me to continue. I sigh. "I thought we would be on the same page, I love her", "Ah... you're talking about Joya?, Hmm mind telling me what happened?", I nod. "Well we were on the Carousel...", I started pausing to make sure he was paying attention. He nods attentively. "And you know how i always wanted to ride one... we did and in the moment, i felt magic. It is something i always feel when i am with her. I also had something in my pocket and long story short i-", "Asked her to marry you". He chimed in. I nod. "What did she say","Nothing... She said nothing ", I said lowly. Noticing the change in my voice,Tito pats my shoulder sympathetically. "That hurt the most", I added after a moment of silence. Tito sucks in air through his teeth. When he exhales slowly he removes his hand from my shoulder. "I am going to tell you something that you have to always remember...", He started staring at me intensely. "Love is like basking in the sun. At some point one is bound to suffer from a burn, but that doesn't mean you stop basking in the sun. You just make sure to put on sunscreen next time", He said slowly standing up. I glance up at him in confusion. "Keep basking little brother", He finally added with a wink. He turns and jogs away. I am left to continue my contemplation. I am trying to refrain from thinking the worst. Yet I cannot help but wonder if she just doesn't want to marry me. Maybe Tito was right. All this second guessing is giving me a migraine. I kick at a pebble on the gravel. After a few more minutes of contemplation, I decided to set my emotions aside . I need to incorporate logic into the situation.  The first question; Am I ready? I never pondered on the situation at hand in this way. If I was to ask Joya's hand on marriage, how would my family react? Given the situation in which I willingly broke rules of my religion as a Jehovah witness, this would how you would say, add insult to injury. While reviewing expected reactions that could occur because of my actions,  I came up with a synopsis; forget marriage,  at least for now. I am sure Joya will be relieved by my final decision.  I would hope so. With my mind fixed on the difficult decision of taking engagement off the table ,  I rose from the ground to return home. That is when it dawned on me. I told Tito my secret. The thing is Tito is what one would call a loud mouth. He cannot even hold water If instructed to. I speed up my pace from a casual walk to a desperate jog. Hoping that I am not too late to stop the disaster that is hurricane motor mouth. Once I reached the front door I slowly twist the knob. When it clicked, I pushed through slightly.  The room was silent. It scares me I will admit; My family is never quiet. No sooner as I my right foot appeared from behind the door, was I greeted by mother. She seemed disappointed.  The look in her eyes told me everything she would not say verbally.  I remained silent until Tito walked up to me with am apology written on his face. I could not feel even feel anger towards him; this was my doing.  I  let a small exasperating sigh exscape  my lips and glance at mother. "I am  .sorry..." I whispered softly.  She extends her right hand upwards and places it on the right side of my face tenderly; the look of disappointment long left her eyes. "Do you love her?", She whispered. I nod. "More than you know", I replied honestly.  She searched my eyes for truth before responding. "Okay Michael,  I believe you", She said with a faint smile. "But..."  She continued. "I do not want you to forget your religion.  And who you are. Please promise me that?", Her eyes were pleading as was her tone. I nod in agreement. "Yes mother, I promise. But promise you will not push Joya to convert, please?", She glanced at Joya who quietly entered the room minutes before.  She turns her attention back on me. "Only if she wants to", I smile and lean down pressing my lips on her cheek gently. "Thank-you and do not worry you will always be my first love"  I whisper leaning back into my original standing position.  Her smile widens.  "My sweet boy",  Latoya and Marlon cooes and claps. I shakes my head in response to their dramatic efforts. Finally, the crescendo is over...

To Be continued...