He Calls Me Harmony

Chapter twenty eight: Tomorrow Of Promise

What is the root of insecurity? Is it a complex emotion built on the addiction of perfection? In my opinion insecurity is solely built on lack of self respect. It is a cliche hypothesis, but it is the only uncontrollable variable in this experiment called life. I am a victim of insecurity, pointing my finger, oblivious to the three  pointing back. But I am steadily finding solace within this beautiful thing called love.

Waking in the middle of the day to sweet seducing sighs of satisfaction is the most wondrous feeling in the world. She laid on my chest, rising and falling along with the inhaling and exhaling of my breath. I take in her beauty as I always do, running my index finger over her bare Hershey skin. With my heart rate increasing each minute, I began to day dream about our lovemaking just a few hours ago. The more I muse over it, the more my heart rate increases. I smile to myself. In the back of my mind; lingering. Is the horrid emotion of guilt. As much as I love and respect my religion, I love and respect Joya more. It is not that I am setting her before God, but just that she is up there on my list of importance. With that being said, I refuse to allow myself to feel guilt over loving my fiance. While lost in deep thought, I feel Joya shift beneath me. My smile widens. I know she is waking up. Within minutes my prediction proved right, Joya squinches her eyes at the afternoon sunlight that crept through my curtains. "Well hello there Harmony...", I beamed, caressing her left cheek. She smiles sleepily in response. I chuckle. "Someone is tired...", I teased, with a mischievous boyish smile. Joya giggles, squeezing my torso. "Oh my is it that obvious? ", She smirked sarcastically. I throw my head back chuckling. "Someone is becoming catty hmm?", She sighs happily, running her hand's over my chest. "Your skin is very beautiful Michael... So smooth... ", She trailed off as if in a gaze. I sigh glancing down at her. "You do not have to say that to make me feel better... I know my skin is terrible... ", I replied bitterly. The bitterness was more so directed at myself. Joya does not respond just continues running her hand's over my chest. Then silence alas made it's presence known. As well did the life outside of the walls of my apartment. I took in the silence as I sign of reconciliation. In order to show Joya I love her, I have to love myself. In turn, I will be able to love her. "You are right...", I whispered, breaking the silence and taking her nibble hand in mine. "I will learn to love myself... Just as long as you stand by me.", I requested, planting a gentle kiss on the palm of her hand. Joya glances up at me with hope in her eyes. "Yes I will always stand by you.", I smile, taking in her word's as truth and promise.

Late that evening, Joya expressed her decision of wanting to convert. I of course disapproved of her decision. I do not want her to convert. I do not even know if I want to even be part of the religion any longer. I have sinned too many times and if the congregation knew, they would have my head. I stressed this to Joya in hopes that she would understand. She nodded yes, but her body language spoke otherwise. I know rejecting her request after our shared bliss, seemed cold and unreasonable, but I feel it is the right thing to do. After a few more minutes on the matter, I decided to change the subject. Which made matter's worse. Feeling rejected and unheard (Her word's ), she left taking tears with her. I knew I could not let her leave in that state, so now here we are in the living room of my apartment, sitting on the love seat adjacent to each other in silence. I have been searching for word's; the right one's. For a little over five minutes. Joya is starring out into the afternoon, where through the window you could see the steadily receding sun. We have never really experienced an disagreement, or unless it was not as serious. "Joya? ", I called out to her in the mist of the silence. She slowly turns her head to the side acknowledging me. I inhale slowly. "I want you to know I heard you...every word", I exhaled, glancing at my hand's now. "And I know it feels right...but are you sure?", I continued, now glancing at her. She shifts her full gaze on me. "Yes Michael... I honestly want to be apart of Jehovah's Witness religion.", She replied, her voice pleading to be heard. I sigh. "You know that means sacrifice? ", She nods. "If it is what the religion says... then I will do", She said fully assured. "Okay... We can visit  Kingdom Hall tomorrow, I am sure they will love to have you as a new member.", I said forcing a smile. Joya takes notice of my enthusiasm, or lack there of. "Michael I know you said you do not want me to feel obligated to do this...but it is what I want...all I ask is that you be happy and support me...", She said taking my hand. "Promise me that, please?", She pleaded, entangling our fingers together. I smile. Her genuine honesty and sweetness melts my insides and warms my heart. "Okay Harmony... I will stand by you", I beamed, kissing her hand. Joya scoots closer and leans into my face. I took no time in responding to her forwardness. With minutes our lips become reacquainted. Joya breaks the kiss smiling. "That was a kiss of a promising tomorrow... ", She whispered, still centimeters from my face. I steal a kiss. "For a promising tomorrow... ", I whispered in return, taking her in my arm's...

To Be Continued...