He Calls Me Harmony

Chapter thirty two: Nightingale

A beautiful thing to have is love. It is a common emotion that is mistaken through thought as just a thought. Love is a feeling, a want, a need, a desire, a vital organ in the body of life. With love, one can reach mountain tops; trudging through all obstacles. With love, one can give themselves to another; creating a bigger than life affair that cannot be explained. That is what love is, but it can only be captured by those who willingly give in to it. When that happens, everything else falls into place.

The sun had fallen low in the sky when I decided to wake from another wondrous dream.  I dreamt of a family. A family with Joya and our thirteen kid's. I have honestly dreamt the same dream every night since that wonderful morning with Joya. I am aware of the consequences and sacrifices that will surface of Joya is in fact pregnant. I also am aware of the judgement we will receive from other's; especially our families. Yet I have faith that thing's will work our. I love Joya too much to let her feel the need to walk alone. Therefore, today I invited her over to support her in her next decision. I pray that God is on our side and will forgive us for our sin, but bless us with a miracle. Exiting my bedroom upon hearing the doorbell, I fuss with the last button of my plaid flannel before acknowledging my visitor. "Who is it?", I ask playfully. I am taking Joya's advice on proper housing etiquette. A soft, barely audible giggle sounds from the other side of the door. "It's your fiancé, Joya.", Blushing at her introduction, I quickly twist the locks and reveal my mahogany beaut. "You look beautiful my lady.", I greet warmly as she enters. Twirling in her off-white glazed sundress, she giggles appreciatively. I blush harder, enjoying her bass strings of delight as they flutter through my ear. "Why Thank-you my dear. You look quite handsome yourself.", She enthuses, taking a seat in my newly furnished living room. With the thought of having a chance at becoming a father, I decided to scrape up some change in order to refurbish my shabby apartment. I think Joya has taken notice. Awing at the replaced leather love seat, she slides her hand's across the material in bewilderment. "Do you like it?", I ask, referring to the creme and mocha love seat. Caressing the couch a few more times before answering, Joya nods approvingly. "It is not pleather '?", She asks, breaking from her trance. Furrowing eyebrows in confusion, I simply shrug. Finding my confusion amusing, her giggles fluck up an octave. "Plastic leather Michael. You should know about that, Indiana boy.", She jokes between giggles. Pleased with her showcase of her beautiful smile, despite the insulting recognition, I accompany her delightful laughter. I live for moments like this. When Joya and I are together sometimes, we somehow end up both cachinating, nearly falling off our behinds. That is a sacred part of our bond; laughter. With the passing minutes, our laughter dies down and we are both sprawled on the love seat, desperately trying to discover our oxygen. "God, I needed that laugh.", Joya exhales peacefully. Returning to a comfortable sitting position, I steal her hand gazing at her engagement ring. "I did too. I needed to see that beautiful smile of yours.", I marvel. She instantly cheeses, her memorizing dimples now fully displaying themselves. Joya is certainly eumorphous. Sometimes, I find myself in a daze just marveling over her. My heart has suddenly took it upon itself to power over my mind as I once again construe my dreams to Joya. With every detail I feel her detach from me. "Joya I am not going anywhere. We can do this.", I conclude. She gives me an uneasy smile, her sparkle long gone from her eyes. "I know you will Michael. I am unsure if I am ready.", She stresses, her voice dropping another octave. With a strident stare more penetrating than before, I squat before her, looking up brightly and vertically. "I promise, I will not push you to do anything you do not want to do. Okay? This is your body not mine.", She glances at me sidelong and remains silent. Faintly hurt by her silence, I peck her hand. "Michael I already have taken a test...", She expresses in the mist of our silence. I wait patiently for her to continue. The singing crickets have muted themselves as well; seemingly for the same reason. "Two day's ago. I was frightened. I am frightened...", She continues, choking on her sentences. I stroke her knuckles supportively. Even in her fear, she still remains goddess-like as the sly sun sheds it's last beams onto Hershey skin. "It read positive, but I had another read negative.", She exhales, her eyes glossing up. Afraid to strain her or our could be unborn child, I stand before her and offer my hand. Taking my offer, she quickly attaches herself to my chest. In this moment I have realized the toxicity of our situation. Though having a child is a beautiful miracle from God, it will also take away from our goals and dreams. I have to find peace with what ever faint we are given.

Within the next passing hour, Joya And I rested on the decision that in the case she is pregnant, we will have to post for adoption. That is a very drastic decision, but I would not want Joya to feel burdened because she had to lay her goals to rest as well. I will honestly admit, It will kill me if that happens. I would not know how to handle passing my offspring into someone else's hand. Nevertheless, I reiterate, this is her body and her choice; I have to respect that. Seething into early hour's of the night, I propose Joya stay for the night. With a few fearful statements circumfusing her parent's thoughts and a reluctant sigh of defeat, she agreed. Still residing on the love seat, we have yet moved on from the subject besides with silence.  "Would you like something to munch on Harmony?", I ask, breaking round two of our silence. Staring blankly at the cuffs of my lavender dress shirt I donated to her, she shakes her head, no. I sigh defeated. I want to know what is on her mind. I want to know her true feelings, or at least what is it that is holding her back. Giving my query life, I pose these question's to her. "Joya...", I breath, gently cupping her chin. "Babygirl, You must tell me what is on your mind. I am clueless here Harmony.", I stress with a hint of urgency in my tone. "What do you see when you look at me Michael?", She finally answers, her once determined eyes soften as she spoke. Taken a back by her query, I take a short pause. When I find my voice again, I let my heart speak. "I see my future. My hopes and my dreams. I see the hidden fear, but still a glimmer of promise resides in your eyes. Joya I know thing's will become tougher as life goes on, but we cannot let that stop us. You my Nightingale, will always soar farther than you believe so. Please know that.", I pour out like a waterfall into a steam. My pulsing heart is visibly audible through my ears as it once again finds it's place on my sleeve. With the deepest penetrating stare, she leans into my face. "God I love you.", She whispers against my lips as she seemingly receives the reassurance of something purposeful being said. I melt in her mouth instantly. Being this close to her is toxic. Like a moth to a flame I am once again mesmerized by her graceful affection. I am aware of our circumstance, but I believe God will work his blessings in our honour. "I do not know if I will ever be ready to start a family, but I do not want to give up on a chancing miracle. Whether our miracle reside in my stomach our in our future, as long as I have you, I will be ready.", She expresses, breaking our blissful kiss. That statement gave me all the assurance I needed; just as long as she knows I will never leave her side, I am satisfied. "I promise to stand by you forever Joya. You are my everything. My sun and moon. Just promise to remember that and love me the same.", With the same glimmer in her almond eyes she had the night we first proposed 'I Love You's' to each other, she confirms my wish with a tender kiss. "I promise.", She concludes. With the air clear of anxiety, I state another proposal to retire to my bedroom for the night. Smiling lovingly, she agrees. One hurdle down, hundred's more to go...

To Be Continued...