Anxiety [Muke af]

Eight

{Warning: mention of suicide, anxiety and depression! Please read carefully, or scroll down till it says: "Uhm, Michael?" } 

Luke has had anxiety since... Since forever, really. He's always been an anxious kid. His parents just thought he was shy or something. But then, he kept being 'shy' he kept being anxious and crying or getting really nervous every time he was around a lot of people. He would cling on to his mum for dear life. So, they took him to a psychologist, she diagnosed him with GAD (Generalised Anxiety Disorder)

People with GAD feel anxious and worried most of the time, not just in specific stressful situations, and these worries are intense, persistent and interfere with their normal lives. Their worries relate to several aspects of everyday life, including, work, health, family and/or financial issues, rather than just one issue. Even minor things such as household chores or being late to an appointment can be a focus for anxiety, leading to uncontrollable worries and a feeling that something terrible will happen.

When he got to his teens, it got a lot worse. When he was 14 he tried to kill himself for the first time. He took a lot of pills and drank some alcohol they had in their house. He collapsed on the floor. Liz found him laying on the kitchen floor when she came home from work 10 minutes later. When she found him, he was slipping in and out of conscious, she panicked and called 000. She had tears streaming down her face when she sat beside her son trying to keep him alive while waiting for the paramedics.

After that incidence, they took him to another psychologist, he was going to her every Thursday and Friday. He would still sometimes see her. 

But yeah, Luke had a few mental illnesses and it was very hard for him. If you, yourself, have a mental disorder you know how hard it can be.

Luke would always call himself "Fucked up" when he would scold himself in his head.

And just two years ago, when he was around 15, he got diagnosed with depression. He, then again, tried to kill himself. We won't go into detail, because it was such a close call... You only can imagine the worst.

Now if you don't know what depression is, or you know about it, you're maybe just not sure what it exactly is. Let me explain it to you.

When you're depressed, you can feel worthless, empty, sad, anxious. Depression is not just when you're sad for a little while. You can have a loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities that were once enjoyed, including sex. You can have a difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions. You may also experience, insomnia, early morning awakening, or oversleeping, loss of appetite, or weight loss or overeating and weight gain.

You may also experience, like Luke, suicidal thoughts, suicide or suicide attempts, or just thinking about death in general.

This was just a little run down on what people with depression might experience. It may be different from person to person.

-

"Uhm, Michael?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you-you wanna go with me to the hospital?"

Michael and Ashton was laying on Michael's couch just cuddling. It wasn't weird for them to cuddle or be very touchy. That's just how they were. They've been friends since forever, so...

Michael softly ran his hand through Ashton's hair "Okay," he said, "When?" Ashton shrugged, "Maybe later today?"

Ashton hadn't visited his mum since the accident, he was really scared as to what he might see. Michael sat up and made Ashton look at him. You could clearly see tears forming in his eyes "She'll be okay, yeah?"

"She's in a coma, Mikey" the curly-haired boy whispered, a tear slowly gliding down his cheek, Michael was quick to wipe it away.

"When are the visiting hours?" Michael wrapped his arms around Ashton's neck and looked at him with a soft gaze "From 3pm to 4pm" Michael glanced at his watch, it was in an hour.

"Then we'll go see her in an hour, yeah?" Ashton nodded and wiped another tear away. He was very thankful for Michael. He's always there for him when he needed him and vice versa.

-

"You ready?" Michael questioned, tilting his head a tad to the side. Ashton took a deep breath and nodded. "Take all the time you need," Michael comforted and placed a hand on his shoulder, but Ashton shook his head and opened the door to his mum's hospital room.

Ashton grabbed Michael's hand and Michael gave it a light squeeze, to let him know that he's there.

The room was white. White all over the place. White walls, white curtains, white bed with white sheets. The only colorful thing in the room was a bouquet of flowers on the small table beside the hospital bed, where Ashton's mum was laying, wires everywhere.

There was a small beeping sound. It was comforting. It meant that she was alive, and breathing.

Michael was so caught up in looking around the room and concentrating on the beeping sound, he almost didn't realize that Ashton had let go of his hand.

He had taken a seat on the chair that also was beside the bed. Michael saw he had tears streaming silently down his face.

"It's okay, mum. I'm here now," he said quietly, he had thickness in his voice from all the tears that were building up.

"You can wake up now," he cried. It broke Michael's heart. He couldn't imagine if a loved one of his were so close to death. He would be devastated.

If he only knew what was gonna happen in the future.

-

"Visiting hours are done."

Both of the boys jolted their head towards the door, where a nurse smiled at them. Woaw, that hour went by  fast! Michael thought. Ashton nodded sadly, kissed his mum on the forehead, then stood up from the chair. When they stood outside in the hallway, Ashton did something Michael wasn't prepared for.

He kissed him on the corner of his mouth, then wrapped his arms around and buried his face in his shirt.

"Thank you."

Michael stood baffled and didn't say anything, he was just kinda... Frozen. But then he eventually wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.

What Michael didn't know, was that Liz, Luke's mum, saw it all. She's a nurse, and happened to walk by.

-

"Luke, honey... Are you sure that Michael boy is single?"

Luke looked at his mum, confusion written all over it. "yeah... Why?"

Liz swallowed her food, before speaking again, "At work today, he was there with a bit shorter boy.. Short, kind of curly hair.. They kissed then hugged.."

"Oh... That's- that's just his friend A-Ashton," he said. Luke didn't why, but he wanted to cry... He knew there was nothing going on between Ashton and Michael. Or maybe there was, but Michael just didn't tell him?

That night Luke laid staring up at the ceiling, cuddling his penguin. He didn't know why he was so upset over this... He just was.

-

I am so terribly sorry for the lack of updates, I just haven't had any motivation to write at all. So hopefully I'll frequently, but I won't promise anything.

Anyways!

Questions!

Thoughts on Luke?
Thoughts on Michael?
Thoughts on Mashton?
Thoughts on Liz?

{My social medias}
Insta: @Larry.fuckingstylinson / @5secondsof.dorks
Twitter: @Larry_is_Muke

Tumblr: i-really-love-5sos

Mashton won't happen, if any of you were wondering.... They're cute as hell, but yeah...

By the way! Happy holidays!!!

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