Anxiety [Muke af]

Seventeen

(Awesome song at the top! By calpal...) 

"Alright," Luke took a deep breath, his hand resting on the doorknob "Here goes nothing." he whispered to himself and opened the door. He was met with a friendly smile "Hi, Luke. Sit down, please." Jane motioned for him to sit on the couch. Luke awkwardly smiled and made his way to the couch and sat down, his hands nervously fiddling in his lap. 

"So, how have you been? Any panic attacks, relapsing?" Luke recalled the moment at the train wagon where he had a panic attack and sat by the lake for hours, just crying. 

"I had a panic attack this weekend, uhm, I was on a date-

"With that boy that was with you here last time?" Luke flushed red and shyly nodded "Y-yeah. Uhm, I slept over at his," he paused, could you call it a house? He decided that you could. It would be too complicated to explain "At his, uhm, house. And I woke up in the middle of the night, just drenched in sweat. It felt like I couldn't breath and I was shaking, my vission was all blurry and-and then i just walked outside, he has a lake beside his...house. So I just sat there until dawn." Jane nodded and wrote something down in her notepad.

"Mmh. And do you know what might have triggered it?" Luke gulped and played with his shirt, trying not to break down "Uhm, I had a dream- a nightmare, more like- I was in my kitchen with my mum, and- and my dad," he took a deep breath, he didn't talk about his dad often "Michael was there, too"

"The boy you went on a date with?" Luke nodded "Yes" he quickly wiped a stray tear away with his sleeve "We were all eating dinner, and we were like a big familiy. But-but then, they all just started grinning, and their eyes turned dark." Jane handed Luke some tissues "They started crawling over to me and our surroundings turned all black. T-they told me, that they hated me, and that it was better if I just died. Michael said that he was just with me because he felt bad for me." at this point Luke was shaking, almost choking on his own tears "And- and then they just disappeared. And left me alone in the dark room..." Jane put a hand on Luke's legs in a comforting way, the boy flinched a little, but calmed down when he saw it was Jane. 

"Luke, do you know what could have caused this nightmare?" Luke shrugged and wiped his eyes again "I-I don't know... I h-have a fear of being replaced, forgotten and abandoned.", he said, his bottom lip trembeling. Jane nodded "Okay. I think that we have to bring your mum into a session, Luke. Maybe Michael as well? And we're gonna talk about all of this, okay?" Luke nodded slowly and took  a deep breath. 

He really didn't know what to feel in that moment. He didn't want his mum to come to a session, and he especially didn't want Michael to come. He didn't want him to see this side of him. Yes, Michael knew some of it, but he didn't know about his selfharm, his eating disorder... 

"I can tell this makes you a little nervous?" she noticed, and tilted her head a  tad to the side, Luke nodded and glanced up at her. She hummed. 

They talked for a little while and lastly agreed on, that he would come back in a month. He woud talk to his mum and Michael about bringing them to a session. It was scary for Luke to ask them that, it was something that made his palms sweaty and his heart pound. Anxiety sucks.

-

"How'd it go?" Liz asked when he walked out of the room, Luke shrugged and took his coat "It went okay..." he answered, not mentioning the part about him bringing Michael and her to a session. When they walked out to the parking lot Luke saw the most adorable dog he had ever laid his eyes on. Liz noticed Luke was looking after the dog and said "Why don't you go and pet it. I'm sure the owner won't mind, just ask first." Luke played with his fingers nervously. He could do this. 

He shyly aproached the dog and its owner. The owner looked around his age, tanned skin, and kind brown eyes. He had a beige beanie on, and a tank top, so you could see his strong arms.

"U-uhm hi. C-can I pet your- uhm- dog?" he stuttered out, the brown-eyed boy flashed him a smile "Sure!" he said. Luke crouched down in front of the dog and started petting it. It was really fluffy and cute "Hi. You're so cute." Luke whispered, but quickly blushed when the boy chuckled and said "He is, isn't he? He loves attention."

"W-what's its name?", Luke asked and stood up again, and that's when he noticed he was a little taller than the brown-eyed boy. He hadn't noticed before.

"His name is Duke."

Luke giggled a little "That's a cute name... W-well, I better get- uhm- going. Thank you for letting me uhm, pet your dog." The boy smiled "No problem." Luke shyly smiled back and waved before walking back over to his mum.

"It wasn't that bad, was it now?" the blonde shook his head "No..." Liz ruffled his hair "I'm proud of you, Lukey." 

-

"Want me to get you anything, mum?" Ashton asked. His mother had just came home from the hospital, both of her legs were broken, so she was in a wheelchair. Anne shook her head and said, "No. I'm fine, dear. Thank you." she was really exhausted and on a lot of pain medication. Ashton hummed as a response and walked out of the room. He sat down on the long red couch with a sigh. He was happy his mum was home. It was getting lonely without her. His life were a lot like Michael's, besides him having his mum. Ashton didn't have a dad, or, he did, but he left a few years back, taking his brother and sister with him. It pained him to think about his siblings, he missed them dearly. 

He wiped away a stray tear that fell. He glanced over at the photo of Lauren, Harry and him that stood on the shelf. A sad smile played on his lips, he stood up from the couch and walked over to the shelf, picking up the photograph, he let it hand glide over it, dust flying everywhere. 

He had no idea where his dad or siblings were. He hoped they haven't forgotten him. That thought broke his heart. What if they had forgotten him? No, the couldn't, they were old enough to remember him.

"Ashton."

Ashton jumped, almost dropping the photograph. He carefully put it down and turned to his mother "Is everything okay?" he asked, walking over to her "Everything is okay. I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to," she paused and looked down at her legs. "go for a walk? Or you can walk and push me." she laughed, making Ashton smile "'Course, mum!"

It was a quiet day, you could hear the birds chirping. "It's a lovely day, isn't it?" Anne said with a smile. Ashton hummed "Yeah..." he said quietly, looking up at the blue sky "Are you alright, Honey?" the question caught Ashton a little off guard, but he quickly answered, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" his mum shrugged and said "You just seem a little quiet."

"Just a bit tired."

"Alright... But, if something is wrong, you can always come to me." 

-

I'm so sorry, this chapter is so boring! I just didn't have any motivation or inspiration. 

So... Who do you thing the "Mystery guy" is? (I'm pretty sure all of you know who it is)

Yeah, so that was a little taste of Calum (That sounded weird) but don't get too excited, you wont see him again before the end! I just wanted you to like, "meet" him and let you know, that he actually is in the story. 

Questions: Thoughts on Cake? Thoughts on Calum? Luke? Thoughts on Ashton's dad and siblings? his past?

uh, yeah... sorry this chapter sucked! But I love you! Thank you so much for almost 1000 reads! Like?? thank you?? 

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