Between The Lines

twenty-two

When my mum walked into the room it had already gotten dark. I had been sitting there in my bed unmoving for so long, that when she flicked on the light my eyes burned and my brain woozed.

My life had turned completely upside down in the past few days. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. Not when my mum left me alone for days at a stretch, not when Aaron got food poisoning and didn't come to school for weeks in middle school. Not when I was the only one left in town last summer. Yet there in that moment I felt like the loneliest person in the whole world.
Zach had forgiven me that day. Actually he wasn't even angry to begin with. But that's what made me feel even more betrayed. Somewhere it felt like he just didn't care enough to be affected by what I said or did.
I always thought that girls are supposed to be the complicated ones. But here I was struggling to decrypt the two most important guys in my life. I never even mentioned my father. I hadn't known him, and there was no reason why I would miss him. But for the first time in my life I desperately wished to have him by my side. He had passed away when I was just a baby. I wondered if mum too felt alone when she dealt with everything all by herself.
Tears were rolling down my cheeks relentlessly yet not a sound came out of my throat. I realized it was not a big deal and people are meant to leave, but not like this, not so abruptly. I was struggling to breathe and my vision was blurry with all the tears streaming from my eyes.

"Hey honey! Are you alright?"

I covered my eyes to protect them from the piercing lights. My mother came and sat next to me on the bed and wrapped me up in a hug. That felt nice. It felt right. She rubbed my back to soothe me and I finally was able to breathe. I was still crying but the lump in my throat dissipated.

"So was it Brooke or Aaron?"

"Both..."

"Why don't you come downstairs with me? I'll make some tea and you can tell me what happened. So I can go all karate kid on them. Hiiya."

I managed to give her a wry smile, and hugged mum even tighter. She sat there next to me comforting me in her embrace as I fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

I watched absently as the tea bag dipped into the boiling water swirls of amber spreading through out the cup. It was weirdly mesmerizing. I traced the rim of the cup as my mother sat next to me on the couch simply observing my expression. I never fared well when pushed into a corner and valued my personal bubble beyond my life. I had inherited that trait from my mother and she knew that all too well. I knew she wouldn't push for answers but I felt the need to tell her everything anyway.

"I had a fight with Aaron."

She simply nodded and shifted in her seat to face me completely.

"I'm not sure what triggered it. We were fine just over a month ago but then he started growing distant. He was much more uncomfortable with my relationship this time. Then he and Brooke pretended to be a thing. Even Brooke seems eternally disappointed in me for some reason. It's like something is going on and I'm right in the center of it but I just can't figure out what."

Mum pursed her lips and seemed to be mulling over something. I could see the conflict in her eyes but I couldn't figure out what it was. I patiently waited for her explanation.

"So this Zach. You've been together for over a month now?"

"Yep"

I didn't know where this conversation was headed anymore.

"You don't really mention him that much. I have to struggle to remember he even exists."

"I don't know mum, it's not such a big deal. He's nice. Too nice sometimes. And sweet. Probably to the point of diabetic. But I like him."

"Mhm."

I tried to decipher what she was implying here. And what this had to do with my fight with Brooke and Aaron. She knew I was a private person, I didn't talk about myself much.
She broke my reverie as she continued.

"Remember in middle school when Aaron put chewing gum in your seat? You were furious! You kept calling him dumbass and monkey boy. That fight felt like it went on forever."

I laughed at the memory. I hated Aaron's guts for that. He always pulled pranks on me. That was probably the last time I fought with him. Though I was almost convinced that he did it because he had a crush on me. After all, that's what movies taught us, that boys pick on girls they like. The confrontation had been beyond embarrassing. I made a complete fool out of myself, but he never rubbed it in my face. Life was simpler then. We soon became such close friends that everyone including us thought that we were inseparable. And boy was I wrong.

"When you became friends you just wouldn't shut up about him. Aaron this and Aaron that."

But then again his antics were so amusing I couldn't help it.

"You know I always thought that Aaron...."

Her sentence was cut short as my phone rang loudly disturbing the tranquility of the wave of nostalgia that had engulfed us both.
It was Marcus.

"Amelia. You need to come to near the school ASAP."

There was urgency in his voice.

"You just have to. You'll see when you get here. Hurry up!"