Out of the Slump~Shadamy

Plastered Smile

Amy's Pov

Shock, hurt, emmbaresment...those are really the only words I could use. How would you describe it, when the boy you've loved for years proposes to someone else in front of you? It's the kind of hurt you can't explain. The eyes of so many as they happily adore the couple and all you can think is, "Why not me?"

...

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling for hours. My mind is blank. Everything feels like it's moving at an awkward pace. I can't even remember how I got home. My feet carried me on their own accord. My mind is fogged over as so many thoughts pass in and out. Thoughts of him, the moments we had, and the ones that we will never get to make. My heart pings sharply, and for the first time that whole night I finally felt something. Tears well in my eyes, my mouth quivers, and there's a lump forming in the back of my throat.

"Don't cry, don't cry, be strong Amy, no tears..." I try to calm myself down but it doesn't work and all of the emotions I had been holding in burst out.

I sob the loudest I have ever heard myself sob and no matter how hard I try I can't stop. It hurts me even more to cry, to feel sadness and hurt for something I knew was unrealistic all along. I knew that all the fantasies of a naive child would never become reality but I held onto them as if they were the truth.

They were my truth, no matter what signs there were. And there were always signs. I've seen the way he looks at her and the way she returns his looks. I've seen them on dates walking hand in hand. I've even heard the way he talks about her. Yet I ignored it all, I kept ignoring everything until I couldn't anymore.

I want to continue to pity myself but there's a knock at my front door. I immediately stop crying, lifting myself up from the bed. I make my way to the front door, as I pass my vanity mirror. My eyes are red and my mascara is smugged. The makeup I had worked for hours on in order to impress him, a mess.

Quickly I run to the bathroom and start to wash my face as good as I can, enough to make it look like I hadn't been crying. I then take a deep breath and speed walk to the door before whoever's at it leaves. I am then greeted by no one other than, " Rouge, Hi!"

"Hey Amy, I thought I'd come over and see how you were doing," Rouge says as I let her in.

"How I'm doing? I'm fine Rouge, I was just at Sonic's dinner with you." I know exactly what she's talking about and I don't know why I'm playing stupid.

She cocks an eyebrow at me.

"Amy, you don't have to hide it if anything's bothering you. If you need to talk about what happened tonight you know that I'm here."

"I know Rouge, but really I'm ok. I'm happy for them." I hate that I had to lie to her but I just couldn't bring myself to tell her how much it really hurt. I already felt dumb enough, sharing that with someone else is too much.

"You sure?" Rouge asks, leaning forward to look me straight in the eyes.

I mustered up the biggest smile I could and said, "Yes, I'm sure."

Truthfully I wasn't and I wasn't sure I would ever be ok again...

...

Rouge and I ended up talking for hours. She had gotten to my house around 11:00 pm so we just decided that she should stay over for the night. We've had so many nights like this and I have always enjoyed them. I love talking to Rouge, more than anyone but no matter how long we spoke I could still feel this growing emptiness in me.  I wanted to just feel happy like I usually did. I tried forgetting, but my mind always trailed back to it. Eventually Rouge could tell I was out of it and suggested we go to sleep. It was a good idea at first but even in my dreams, the moment kept replaying.