it was like i was drowning and everyone else around me was breathing, watching me struggle.
i couldn't move my legs and i couldn't breathe. i had a million words and cries of help that needed to be yelled but my mouth couldn't open. not even a sigh of pain could be released.
i laid there paralyzed for what felt like hours. i wanted to run downstairs so i could feel safe but it felt physically impossible.
suicidal movies played over and over in my head, casting me as the starring role. it was different than the usual thoughts; it was more like a vision. it was on repeat and the stop button on my remote was broken.
i felt like someone else was in control of my body.
either that or that my body was vacant of any life; soulless.
i laid there still, nothing i could do. no one to call for help.
it eventually passed and it was like it never happened. a few tears fell from my cheeks but i could breathe again. i could move my legs in slow movements.
i didn't feel sad in that moment. i felt confused, lost, and terrified.
i tried to forget about it. besides, i was completely numb afterwards anyway.
little did i know that this was something i would be dealing with for the rest of my life.
******
so in case you were wondering my friday night consisted of my first ever depersonalization episode !!! super fun here's a brief recap of what happened
YOU ARE READING
you promised forever // poetry
Poetry'i risked my life to get you this rose. now all i need to know is if you care enough to let it die or let it grow' a book of my poems/rants :) **lowercase is intended**
