what if it becomes too late

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i have been writing poem
after poem
after poem
trying to relieve some of this pain
trying to distract myself
from the thoughts inside my brain
i don't want to pick up the blade
because i know that this will fade
but at the same time,
i worry that
if i don't pick up the blade now,
i might not be able to make it
to the part where the pain fades.

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