you promised forever // poetry

imperfect

    Dear Mom and Dad,

I'm sorry I'm not the perfect daughter. I'm sorry I can't control my emotions and that sometimes I lash out at you as a way to rid myself of my own emotions. I'm sorry I avoid responsibility, I just can't bring myself to get out of bed and I'm sorry I blame it on the depression because maybe it really is just me being lazy like you say. I'm sorry I disrespect you, even though dad always does the same in return. I'm sorry I stand up for our family when dad is always high and says those mean words that dig into our backs like knives. I'm sorry I can't open up to you, I just don't want to put any more stress on our already broken family. My issues simply aren't big enough to cancel out the pain of everyone else's. I'm sorry that my grades aren't enough for you. I'm sorry that I can't always deal with you. I'm sorry that I'm not enough. I'm so, so sorry.

It must've been so hard on you, finding out that your daughter isn't normal. I'm sure it's so stressful to constantly be wondering if I'm okay; but at least you aren't the ones who aren't okay. I'm sorry for all I put you through, I promise I will get better on my own. You don't need to worry about helping me anymore - I will get through it. I didn't mean to hurt you. Trust me, I hate myself too. I just hope you can continue loving me despite the pain and stress I put upon you.

I may not be the perfect daughter, but at least I can admit it. I'm apologising now for all of my future mistakes, too. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me, because I'm not going anywhere.