Blood Sugar

Part Nineteen: Tonight: The Red Hot Chili Peppers Pt. 3

We were strolling the streets aimlessly. "Have you ever been to a skatepark at night?", John asked. I shook my head. "I love hanging there every once in a while, come down, allow my thoughts full bent. And it's just beautiful. Pits covered in graffiti, great art. Besides that...only the stars and silence. Wanna come?", he asked hopefully. "Sure", I said. 

He was right, it was beautiful. Somehow everything that's kind of fucked up, like things covered in graffiti - some good, some bad - kind of appeals to me. We sat down at the edge of a pit.

"Sometimes it's hard for me to realize they're billions of people on this planet. There's so much to see. So many different personalities. But you just hang out in your circles. You go to your clubs, meet up with the friends that you always do. But isn't that strange?", John wondered. "Hmm. You're right. Working everyday, partying at the same clubs every weekend. I feel like my life's so clocked. I barely ever break out. But I don't really get how this applies to you. I mean.. you don't work 9 to 5 obviously. Being new in this rising band must be exciting as hell. I bet you constantly meet the coolest people. And soon you'll go on tour, see the world." John shrugged: "Yeah, probably. But I'm not quite there yet. It's strange. I'm playing in this band. But do I feel like a part of all of this? No. To be honest.. this is the reason why I'm getting so wasted when I'm out with the guys. Instead of searching my place in the band, play music...which I love.. and also just come loose and have fun, I get so lost and don't really know how to act at all... You know.. this is all so new to me.. the band.. the guys. How do I act? So I drink and try to be all "rockstar".. which is actually not me at all", he said and paused. "Tony, Flea and Chad.. they don't know about this... It'd be cool if you'd keep it to yourself...Could you?" I simply nodded. „But I kind of know what you mean actually. I only started working as an assistant of a prof at UC. And I always thought this was like my destiny or whatever. But my boss Ryan is such an uneasy person and it seems like everyone is like that at UC. And I don't know if talking in front of students is my thing. I feel like I only do this to please my mom. I can't see myself becoming a professor any day. I feel so out of place. It sucks", I said. John rolled another joint. „But it's wrong to let these things get you down, you know? You're young. If that's not for you, you just go do something else. And I do think you have so much potential. You're such a smart girl. Life's too short for missed chances, you know?", he said and lit the joint. "You're right. And I think you should let loose a little. You're a real good guitar player, the guys are lucky to have you as a member. And you're a good guy, too. So just be yourself. Getting drunk doesn't get you any further, does it?", I said. "Yeah, I probably know deep down. Thank you Kaya", he smiled and handed me the joint.

John went from sitting to lying down next to me. He looked up to the sky.„It's so quiet here. Absolute silence is such a beautiful thing when you are surrounded by all kinds of noises for days." He was right. The silence and the soft jag made me feel like I was hanging in the clouds. I laid down next to John. He turned to face me and said: "Do you think you can forget what happened last Saturday?" I simply looked him in the eyes for a few seconds. "I do", I said quietly. "Can I see you tomorrow?", he asked. His eyes looked so soft and dreamy. I wanted to tell him I'd love to. But then Lee came across my mind. How could one hour with John make me forget that I was actually getting serious with someone else? "No, I'm sorry John. I'm not free.. and um...I'm seeing someone at the moment.. " I avoided eye contact. He suddenly unbent and looked crushed. "Does that mean.. can we not see each other at all? Like.. I don't want to urge you to anything. And I won't, I swear. But I noticed tonight that I just love talking to you. And your presence makes me feel so calm, you know? I feel like I can't let this go. I mean.. you could come to our jamming sessions. Take Lara with you. Hang with us sometime. Nothing big. No dating. I'd just be happy if you would accompany our recording process. Show you the songs we're working on. Stuff like that", John said. "I guess nothing talks against that, right?", I said quietly and smiled.

The tension fell off of John and he smiled back. "This means a lot", he said. I nodded. "What's this guy like you're seeing?", he asked, his voice a slight bit less steady than before. "His name's Lee. He's from Manchester, England, and does his term abroad here. But I only know him since Tuesday", I answered. "How longs he stayin'?", he asked quick like a shot. "Uh.. I'm not sure. He'll finish his studies in March. Dunno if he'll stay here for some", I said. "That's a shame", he said and I could tell he was not being sincere. He suddenly stood up and grabbed my hand. "C'mon, let's go back. I feel like hanging with the guys. You need to introduce Lara to me.. this time properly", he said.

His hand felt warm and soft and I quickly became accustom to holding it, I didn't even realize we were holding hands all the way back to the Roxy. Probably because my mind was so dizzy from all the weed. When I realized, I let go. John looked kind of confused. He must've not noticed either. "Let's have a drink and look for the rest", John suggested. I followed him inside. The crowd ran low in the meantime. I didn't know how late it was anyways. John got us some drinks when Lara half-walked half-ran to me. Her eyes were almost popping out. "Kaya, I was so worried about you. You didn't just spend all this time with John, did you? Chris just told me he saw you guys walking the street.. Holding hands? What the fuck? What's going on?", she asked. „Calm down, Lara. I did hang out with John. Nothing happend. I can't really tell why we were holding hands though. But no big deal.. really", I reassured her. Of course she didn't buy it. "I can't believe this. Do you suddenly like him now? How?", L answered. „I don't know.. I guess I forgave him? We had a good time. But that's all", I told her. She raised her eyebrows. "Okay."

This is when John came back with two beer in his hands. "Hey Lara, can I get you a drink?", he asked. "Uhh.. no.. thank you John." "Where's Chad and the rest?" „Hanging backstage", Lara said. „Let's go?", John asked, looking to us. He handed me my beer and we went to meet the guys. They were sitting on couches with some other guys, one of them being that tall roadie from earlier, I think Luke was his name. He looked at me with big eyes. Anthony's were even bigger. "Hey Kaya... John", he said. "Hey guys", I said, trying to sound all cheerful to hopefully make them forget about John and me already. "So... you're our number one fan now or what, Kaya?", Flea asked me and laughed. I was so glad he was around. It's like he can sense uncomfortable situations and make the best out of it. "You can print no. one fangirl shirts for me and Lara", I laughed. "This is what I wanted to hear, ha", he said.

When the first chords of INXS Mystify from their 1987 album Kick played back inside the Roxy, Lara grabbed my arm and screamed out in delight. "We gotta go dance." The guys sighed. "Yeah right, you're coming", she told them. Lara and me screamed our hearts out and got so loose. It felt like we were the only ones in the club.