Blood Sugar

Part Forty-Two: Love and Trust

Johns POV

I had to find out where Kaya was at tonight. I knew I couldn't get Flea to help me with this one. So I figured I could ask Chad. He could know.

I called him up. "Hi. John?" "Yeah. How's it going Chad?" "I'm just hanging in my hammock.. drinking. Life's good." I grinned. Typical Chad. "Man.. you gotta help me, will you?" "Sure. What's up?" 

"You know.. I kinda got a thing for Kaya." "Uh.. you are dating Rios' friend, aren't ya?" "Yeah.. nevermind. It's about Kaya now. I need to know what she's doing tonight. I need to see her." "Uhh.. Lara told me she was gonna have drinks with Kaya I guess." 

"Great. Happen to know where?" "John.. you're creeping me out.. are you gonna stalk her?", Chad laughed. "No.. I just need to know.. please?" "I really don't know man.. but they might be going to this new Cocktail Bar on the Strip. Maybe they'll be there. You know.. that one that Tony talked about the other day?"  "Yeah yeah.. thanks a lot man. Now keep on hanging in your hammock", I chuckled. "Oh.. noone's getting me outta here for sure."

Kayas POV

Lara and me were reliving our Mojito routine. Damn, I could use a couple of drinks. Esp because work fucking sucked. Me and Prof Ryan were busy correcting almost 1000 exams. And she already announced we'd be doing night shifts if we didn't finish in time. Because.. of course she had to kick off on Holiday early.

Lara ordered and we sat down at a small table. After some chit-chat, I noticed a couple coming in and sitting down at the bar. Dang! John and Tina. I dedicated myself to the drink before me and rolled my eyes. "Why are you rolling your eyes missy?", Lara asked. I pointed to these two. She twiged and nodded. "They're sharing a cocktail. How sappy.. can you believe this Kay?" I couldn't count the times I rolled my eyes that night.

Lara sipped on her drink. "How miserable is this guy? He's just trying to get you jealous. Noone believes you you like that girl", she said as if John was listening. "I wonder how he knows we're here." "What? You really think he came here on purpose?", I asked. "Yeah.. the only one who knows I'm having drinks with you is Chad... Damn! That's it! He's told him!" I didn't know what to think about this.. "Uh... Excuse me please. I need to have a smoke", I said and stood up. "Hey wait..shall I co-..." I didn't even let her finish.

Cold wind beat my face. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the fresh air. I breathed deep. How would I ever be able to settle for Lee if John was always around? Why was he making this so hard? I was annoyed as fuck. And when I wanted to light my cigarette..guess who was standing right beside me.

"Hey.. what are you doing here?", I asked John. "Oh.. I'm taking my girl out", he grinned. Ugh.. "No.. I mean out here." "Well.. I saw you walking out and thought it'd be polite to say hi.  No more." Yeah.. definitely. "Thanks.. and hi.. but I think you should be getting back in. I bet you can't wait to proceed your obviously stunning date. You two look like you're having tons and tons of fun. I wouldn't wanna be the one to ruin that, you know?" "You're probably right. So enjoy yourself. Say hi to Lara, too." "I will."

I just wanted to finally have that cigarette when he still didn't leave. I looked back to him. "Anything else?" He hesitated. "C'mon, shoot." "Um.. I was just wondering.. did you... Uh..well.. fuck.. forget about it", he said and left. And turned around halfway.

"Fuck it.. I was just gonna ask...have you told Lee about us?" "Haven't." "Seriously? Is this how you're building up a relationship that's supposed to be about love and trust.. and respect?" I kept silent, which just encouraged him to go one step further. I felt so stupid. I should man up, tell him it's none of his business and leave it.

„See.. I got you speechless. Love, trust and respect for him.. this is what you're lacking. So can't you forget about him for once? You don't love him, do you? You wouldn't come running to me all the time if you did. I know there's something more between us. I feel it", John said, looking me deep in the eyes.

He was torturing me.. pointing out exactly what I felt but couldn't give in to. "You want me to cheat on him? I'm not going to do that. And I do love him", I said sternly. He was wide-eyed. „Yeah, really? Okay, if that's true.. then why don't you leave me alone? Stop showing up all the time. I've got enough friends, you know. I don't wanna be friends with you", he said and left.

His words hurt me immensely. And when it started raining, I couldn't hold back the tears. I don't know why I did this to myself. Now I needed comforting and that would be in Lees arms. But this was just so wrong. I couldn't do this anymore. I can't have Lee comforting me about John. I felt like the worst person ever. But instead of breaking it up with him, I went to the next payphone and called him to pick me up.

I was waiting in the pouring rain when Lara came running to me. She was totally upset but took me into her arms as soon as she saw me crying. I didn't even need to tell her what happened. She understood. We waited for Lee together. When he was coming, I made up some random reason why I needed to see him. He took me to his apartment and we layed down in bed together in silence and listened to music. I cuddled myself up in his arms and tried to think about something else.

I couldn't believe what I was doing. The doubts were tearing me apart. I felt like a piece of shit everytime I looked into Lees' eyes. Damn..I slept with another guy. He'd be so disappointed if he found out. I had to tell him. But I just couldn't get it past my lips. I was miserable. I couldn't act as if everything was alright much longer. And I wasn't looking forward to taking him to the Chilis release party. Just picturing Lee and John in one room. I just hoped this wasn't ending as one big disaster.