TABOO

Fifteen.

"Stay" - Rihanna
"I Never Told You" - Colbie Caillat
"Listen To Your Heart" - DHT

It feels like a struggle to get out of bed each morning and function like a normal human. Harry and I barely speak, both too busy with our own life happenings. I concentrate on my college work, acting classes, and modeling, while Harry fixates on choosing his new house and landing movie directing gigs.

He doesn't grasp my hips when we pass each other on the stairs and doesn't kiss me when we're around a corner where no one can see us. It's only been a week and half since everything fell apart between us, but I'm starting to miss it. The hurt expression on his face when I told him I had no feelings for him makes its appearance in my mind's eye almost every day. I sometimes even dream about it. I used to feel guilt for what Harry and I done together, but now I feel it for hurting him with my little white lie.

I go back and forth with myself about whether or not to own up to my feelings for him, but ultimately decide against it. It wouldn't change the fact that a relationship between us wouldn't work and couldn't be. It's better this way, because telling him would only set up for more heartbreak for the both of us in the future. I wish I could talk to a friend, or anyone about my situation, but no one would understand. I can't tell anyone what went on between Harry and I, not even Jade. She would never look at me the same way.

A thought pops into my head at dinner. Maybe, I just need someone else to take my thoughts off of Harry, and maybe that someone is Cruz. I'll be surprised if he even talks to me, because I've ignored his texts ever since the Fourth of July, the first night that Harry and I had sex.

Two hours later, Cruz and I are upstairs in the loft watching Guardians Of The Galaxy. I focus all of my attention on him and the movie, trying not to let any thoughts of Harry slip into my mind. That ship sails when he walks by us, stopping at the top of the stairs. My heart races faster than a space ship, but I keep my gaze locked on the tv.

"Stella, what do you want for your birthday?" Harry asks.

Cruz looks over at me as Harry waits for an answer. "When's your birthday?"

Two sets of eyes rest on me, waiting for answers that should be simple. I can't think straight with Harry this close, especially with Cruz right next to me. What if he picks up on the weird vibes between Harry and I?

"You don't have to get me anything." I look at Cruz next. "It's tomorrow, but my party is on Saturday."

"Well, happy birthday beautiful." Cruz says with a perfect smile. The comment makes me uncomfortable with Harry still standing here to witness it.

"Thank you,"

Cruz goes in for a kiss but somehow I just can't kiss him in front of Harry. Whether it's because of the suppressed feelings of not, I don't know. I twist my head so the kiss lands on my cheek, instead of my mouth. He looks me in the eyes, and I instantly want to disappear. Why do I always have to upset everyone?

"It will be a surprise, then. See you later, little sister." Harry says, dismissing himself down the stairs.

For the remainder of the movie, I worry, fret, and stress over everything in my life, even the little irrelevant details. I stress about the huge party that Mom is throwing me, despite me asking for only a small get together and my favorite dinner. It's my 21st, and she won't have it any other way. Planning and throwing massive parties is what she lives for, and what she's known for around our part of the city. I think she only does it to show off to her snooty friends. I stress over the situation with Harry and what I'm going to do about it. I stress over how I can't seem to feel anything for Cruz, despite how gorgeous and sweet he is. What is wrong with me?

When the movie ends, I am a nervous wreck with tension filling me all the way up to my collarbone. Things were much easier when Harry was at college, and not a tall, sexy enigma here to challenge me in every way possible.

"I've got to run, babe." Cruz tells me as he stands up. I get up, too, so I can walk him out.

He walks toward me, backing me up against the far wall. Caging me in with his hands on either side my head, he leans in for a kiss. I kiss him back out of kindness, but I feel nothing. We don't come close to creating the sparks that fly between Harry and I. It's maddening.

After walking him out, I shower and head to my bedroom for the night. Laying in bed alone in the dark, unwelcome thoughts plague me. Ever since I broke Harry and I off, I haven't been happy, as much as I hate to admit. My body craves his like no other, and my mind craves his company. I miss him and what we had together. It seems I can never be happy with what I have. When I have him, I don't want him, and when I don't have him, I yearn for him. I might be literally losing my mind.

My phone lights up and vibrates from my night stand. It's a text from Harry.

"I really do miss you, and I'm sorry that I thought my feelings from before were mutual. Maybe we can hang out again, as brother and sister."

My heart swells, and then sinks. Guilt takes over, followed by hope. I'm in a whirl wind of emotions that's changing so fast that I might get whip lash. I want to tell him that he wasn't wrong, and that I did feel something for him, that I still do. I lay for minutes, trying to decide how to reply. Could I really hang out with him now, and act casual after everything that happened between us?

He texts again. "Or not. . ."

I'm too indecisive at the moment, and choose to sleep rather than reply.

((What do you think Stella should do..?? Anyways, please give this chapter a vote, it lets me know you're liking the story so far. Thaaaaanks for reading!))