TABOO

Sixteen.

"Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry.

Despite me claiming to not want a huge party for my 21st, this party looks amazing. Our backyard is decorated in white, gold, and pastel pinks everywhere, and the pink matches my dress. "21" shaped balloons take over our outer wall, and all the table cloths, plastic dinnerware, and deserts match the theme. There's even a photo booth.

"Thank you so much, mom." I say, hugging her. A group of her friends at a table all stare at us. Why did she invite them, anyways? It's my party, and I don't even know them.

A lot of my friends aren't here yet, because I only invited a few. Mom insists that I call some of them and tell them to bring anyone they like. What a sucker for parties, she is. I send a mass text message to everyone in my phone, reading "party at my house for my 21st. Bring everyone."

Cruz rounds the edge of the house and bee lines towards me with a pink birthday bag hanging from one hand. Oh, no. I look around for Harry out of habit, but he's no where to be seen. He's actually been gone all day and must have left before I woke up. I didn't see him much yesterday either, except for at dinner.

"Happy birthday, babe." Cruz greets me. He sets the bag down, and pulls me into a hug.

I smile and thank him for the gift and take it to set on the table with all the others. I hang with Cruz and Jade for a while as more people start to trickle in. Jade starts in with a load of questions the second Cruz walks away to fetch some drinks.

"Are you two official yet? Did you do the deed? Is he a good kisser?"

"No, no, and yes,"

Jade's eyes widen, "you're not officially together? Girl, what's wrong with you?"

"I don't know." I know exactly what's wrong with me, though. I've caught feelings for Harry and can't seem to get past them. Just thinking of his name makes my body crave his, and I shiver.

Cruz returns and is walking right next to Harry. My eyes about pop out of my head. This can not be happening. They both sit down on the patio chairs that we have positioned in a half circle near the pool. All eyes are on me.

"I'm 21 now, bitches. Let's drink!"

I retrieve a tray of shots for the whole group, which only consists of Jade, Cruz, Harry, and I. I set it down on the small center table, and everyone grabs one, downing it fast. We repeat our actions with the rest of them, so we've all had about three. I, being a light weight, already feel dizzy headed and free. Harry's gaze is locked on me, watching every move I make.

The party carries on. We eat some of the delicious food that got catered in, take more shots, and mess around in the photo booth. I'm still sitting in it when Harry joins me. My body stiffens and tension fills me so quickly that I have to gulp down a mouth full of air to breathe properly again.

"Harry, what are you doing?" I almost shriek.

"Taking pictures with my little sister for her 21st." He throws his arm around me as the camera starts to flash. His mouth connects to my neck for the next snap, and he stares me right in the eyes for the third and final snap. His lips are only inches from mine, and my instinct is to lean forward and kiss him, but I resist.

I want to let out everything I'm feeling for him and climb onto his lap right here, right now. I swallow back my words and pull our pictures from the slot, staying silent. Harry makes no moves to get out of the photo booth, so I do. Just as I stand up, his hands grab ahold of my hips and pull me down so that I'm sitting on his lap.

"Please let me go." I'm shaking.

"What you said before," he starts, aware that I know what he's referring to, "you were lying. I take back my apology about assuming your feelings for me. I've thought it over, again and again, and I know there's something between us that's more than just physical."

I stare at him, again staying silent, flicking my eyes back and forth from his eyes and lips. He holds me in place tight, his hands wrapped securely around my middle. There's no way I'm getting out of this one, so I do what will drive him crazy, ignore him and don't speak.

"Goddamnit, Stella. What do I have to say to make you admit it? You and I have both been miserable since you lied to me about how you feel."

I wince at his loud outburst, and then really take in his words. Both been miserable? It makes me feel better that I'm not the only one who's been struggling lately. It's selfish, and I shouldn't feel how I do, but everything with him and I is never easy or how it's supposed to be.

"Fine. I fell for you hard, okay? It doesn't change anything, though. You and I can only be together physically, and even that is pushing it. I can't do it anymore. Having to suppress all the feelings that comes with it is just too much for me. I fall for people fast, get attached easily."

Harry gazes at me with half closed eyes, and I push his long curls out of his face. The silence eats us up in this small space, and I can't get enough air with his parted lips so close to me. If I kiss him, it will backtrack all the work I've done to distance myself from him, but if I don't, I'll be thinking about it all night.

"Isn't it harder having to stay away from me, though? Hard to not think of me at night when you're alone in bed?" He asks. His voice is soft, his words slow. Now his mouth is at my ear. "Don't you miss my voice in your ear? My hands on your body? The feeling that overcomes you when were lost in each other?" He leans back so he can catch my eyes with his. "I miss it, all of it."

Unable to speak, I just nod my head. It's crazy how he's been feeling the same as me since we returned from Key West. I still can't see how anything could work between us, though. Would it be worth it to fall back into our old ways? Or should I move on and try harder to forget what happened?

Harry leans in and so do I. My heart is racing, and our lips are about to connect when the curtain of the photo booth swings open.

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