TABOO

Nineteen.

"Love On The Brain" - Rihanna
"Set Fire To The Rain" - Adele

"She's staying at Jade's house." Harry grumbles.

"Are you sure? I seen Jade leave an hour ago by herself."

"She rode with another friend, mom."

"Harry, you better me telling me the truth. I worry about your sister and her choices sometimes. She's very naive."

My heart drops. That's what she thinks of me? Is that why she insists that I get a college degree while still living at home? And why she wants me to have that degree to fall back on because she thinks acting and modeling won't work for me?

"I'm not naive. I know what I'm doing." I whisper to Harry.

"I know that."

"Harry, is Stella in there with you?"

My heart starts beating erratically. Why would she think that? Had she seen something? Mom has always seen me as her innocent little girl, and if she ever found out about Harry and I she would never see me the same way. I look around me in the dark to see if I can spot my clothes, but I can't see much of anything.

"Why would she be?" He asks back.

I wait for her answer like its a life or death dilemma. The silence seems to stretch out for minutes before she starts to speak.

"You've always been honest with me. That's one of the many things I love about you." Mom says. "Something just seems off about you and Stella."

I start to feel guilty for a whole different reason now. Harry's lying to Mom on behalf of me. It's one thing for me to lie to her because I lie to keep up my innocent façade, and I've grown used to it, but for him to have to lie to her when he's always honest is something different.

"Maybe I should tell her." I whisper.

"No."

"You were right earlier. I only care what people will think of me if they found out about us. Well, I also care about you, and I don't want you to have to lie to Mom anymore.

"Stella, no, don't do this. You're not thinking clearly." Harry demands.

"Are you still awake? Can I come in? You know we can talk to each other about anything, right? We need to talk about you and your sister." Mom says.

"I think she already knows." I crawl off the bed, pull on my underwear and Harry's shirt, and tip toe to the door. It aches between my legs as I walk, a result of what we done earlier.

"Don't do it."

I ignore Harry's request, flip on the light switch, and open the door. Mom gapes at me the second she sees me, eyes wide, chin nearly to the floor.

"Stella,"

"Mom, I'm sorry, I just, we. . ." I don't know what to say to her, don't know how to explain myself. I look behind me at Harry, hoping he'll help me out.

Mom walks into the room and closes the door behind her. Harry sits up on the bed now with his covers wrapped around him from the waist down. His arms are propped up on his bent knees, head in hands as he looks downward, avoiding all eye contact.

"Why the fück did you give us away, Stella? You're always the one who's worried about someone finding out." Harry snaps, raising his head up to shoot me an angry look.

"I'm sorry, it's just--"

He cuts me off mid-sentence. "How could you be so damn stupid like this? You just basically let our mom in on everything."

Mom holds a hand up to Harry. "Stop yelling at her, it's not her fault."

The room falls silent, and we both stare at her.

"I heard you two in Stella's bedroom in the beach house at the Caribbean. You had to know someone would hear you through those paper thin walls." She explains.

Heat floods into my face, and I just know it's beet red. I'm mortified, embarrassed beyond belief. She's known this long and never said a word about it to either of us? I've been walking around the house and being in her presence all this time? Images of Harry's face buried between my thighs flash in my mind. Mom probably thought we were having sex, but the little details of our actions don't matter. The pressure and tension in the room is about to crush me on the spot. I lean against the wall for support.

"And you were okay with it?" Harry asks.

"Well, no, of course not, but I understood. You weren't that boy you were before college, and Stella wasn't that little girl you remembered before leaving. Both of you were away from each other for so long, and matured during that time. You two seen each other as someone new, someone sexy, a new toy."

"Mom, please stop. This is getting weird." I beg, covering my eyes with one hand.

"Okay, okay. What I'm trying to say is that I thought it was a one time thing. I understand how hormones effect you when you're so young. You're not actually blood related so I let you have your fun. I planned to just forget about it because frankly, it was none of my business."

My palms are sweating, my hands trembling as I stand like I'm mounted to the floor like a statue. Harry keeps running his hands through his hair and biting his lower lip continuously.

"This can't continue on anymore, though. I know you're both of legal age and don't have to go with what I tell you, but this is for your own good. If you keep doing what you're doing, things can get messy. Feelings can get involved, people can get hurt, and secrets can get out. You can't be together."

"Does Dad know?" Harry asks.

"No, and I don't plan to tell him."

Maybe she's right. Maybe Harry and I should stay away from each other. When we're around each other, I'm always tempted to do things with him that I shouldn't. He's so hard to resist, like heroine to an addict. The thought of it hits me right in the gut, though. Staying away from Harry isn't what I truly want, but it's what I should do.

"This whole thing is such a mess." Harry comments.

"I'm going to leave you two alone for the night, but you better have your shit figured out in the morning." Mom warns and darts out of the room.

I turn the light back out and go sit on the edge of the bed. Harry's steady breathing is the only sound in darkness of the room. How did things get to this point? How did I let it get so out of hand. It all started with our kiss in the guest house two months ago.

"What should we do?" I ask.

"I don't want what we have with each other to end."

"Me either." The thought of not having Harry in my life scares me.

A realization hits me, an even scarier thought. It can't be right. Could it be possible for me to love Harry? Love him in a way that makes my chest tighten, and my body tingle? And not in the way that siblings should love each other? And if I do love him, should I tell him or keep it to myself?

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