Suicidal

16

Sabrina:

I wake up in the dark hospital room and I feel Peyton move
"Pey, are you awake" I ask and he hums

"Yeah" he replies and turns the lampshade on
"Your mom went home a hour ago. She's coming back tomorrow afternoon" he tells me
I nod and trace his shirt with my finger

The room fills up with silence and he stops my hands.
"I was speaking to Corey and he told me you liked me" he tells me and I look up at him "Do you" he asks and I shake my head

"No. Not like that" I reply and he looks upset and disappointed

"You don't?" He asks letting my hand go and sitting up. I sit up too.

"No. I thought we were friends" I reply and he shakes his head standing up

"Friends don't lead each other on Sabrina. Ever since we met you've been flirting with me, I thought you liked me" he yells and I feel tears fall down my cheeks

"Peyton please" I begin but he cuts me off

"Why? How could you mess with me like that? I cared. I cared so fucking much about you that I've been skipping classes after classes just to be with you and make sure you were okay and what do I get? I get the truth that you've been messing with me for fucking months" he screams. No it's not true.

"I'm sorry" I apologise crying hard. I pull the heat monitor needle out of my arm so it won't start beeping loudly

"Sorry? Is that all you have to say. Sorry! Oh my god" he yells and starts putting his shoes on

"Peyton please hear me out" I beg and he shakes his ear

"What" he yells

"I'm sorry Okay, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know you liked me okay" I try and say but he cuts me off

"You know all the rumours going around the school. I'm starting to believe them. Maybe you did send nudes to your ex, maybe you did whore around and sleep with his best friend and brother" he screams

"What?! No I didn't" I tell him and my heart starts to ache

"Don't call, don't text, or don't speak to me again" he says and starts to walk out

"Peyton please I need you, I can't be alone. Please" I yell after him. I try moving but a strap across my stomach holds me back
"Peyton please don't walk out on me" I call out to him and he shakes his head before leaving

I like you.

I break down crying even more and I take a needle and start cutting my wrists and thighs not even caring about the pain and blood none of the pain matches the pain in my heart.

I throw the needle on the floor and I clean the blood with a tissue and I hide it under the bed.

My nurse rushes in panicked.
"Is everything okay in here" she asks switching the light on and seeing how much of a mess I look "oh honey what happened" she asks and walks over by me

"He left me" I tell her and she hugs me

"Do you want to talk about it" she asks and I shake my head

"I want him back. I need him back" I tell her and she nods

"I know sweetie, he'll be back soon. Get some sleep" she tells me laying me back down. She pulls the comforter over me and I look around the room I see his sweater on the chair

"Can you help me change into that please" I ask pointing to it. She looks and nods

She helps me change and luckily for me the blood has dried up and she is too tired to notice.
"Try sleeping okay, you're allowed home tomorrow" she tells me I nod and she finds me a warm smile before turning the light off and leaving the room,

I find myself crying again. Why couldn't I just tell him I like him?

I hate myself so much. The one person other than my mom that made me feel like living was worthy has just walked out on me. Because I'm so pathetic and ridiculous that I couldn't tell him I liked him back.