Indecisive mess

could be worse

When I was little I used to read this picture book over and over again with my grandfather.  I don't know why I liked it so much but I did. The story, if I remember correctly, is about this man that just has a horrible day. Everything keeps going wrong and he tried so desperately to fix everything at the same time that eventually it just gets worse. A lot of crazy non logical things happen and at the end he gets carried by this eagle somehow that takes him home. When he gets home he realizes that it was all okay it wasn't so bad after all and as he was telling the eagle this news the eagle says It could be worse. 
Now I've made a discovery not too long ago about myself. 
It's that I've been carrying around a similar saying like this in my head for some time now but with a little twist in the end. 
So throughout my little life I've been through some things obviously... I mean who doesn't?  But when I go through these huge horrible things I tend to push it and tell myself
"Eh you've gotten through worse you just gotta suck this up and get on with it" 
So with every problem I encounter I say this to it. It goes down the garbage shoot on the back of my mind all the way to the pit of my stomach.  Eventually all this piles up. Up past your lungs and ribs to the opening of your mouth where you then start to choke. You choke for so long you turn blue while everyone else sees nude on the outside. But that doesn't change the blue from making everything else in your body go numb. Un-corporative along with all your problems that are now bursting at the seem. Making you lash out on people that care about you which then you begin to unravel and fall apart because they we're holding you up.
And it's too late. 

Everyone has their breaking point even if you think you have super human strength you do. Which is something I have to remind myself is that even if I have been through worse it doesn't erase whatever pain I'm dealing with at the moment.  No matter how silly it may be.  Because what matters are my feelings.  Which is something I often forget. 
So I wanted to write this for those of you that have the same problem as a reminder to truly take care of yourself.
And if you haven't started don't worry I haven't either. We'll do it together.
Try watching your favorite show
Reading a good book
Watching a lot of YouTube
Anything that makes you feel happy to stop stressing for a little.
I honestly have no idea what this is but I wanted to write about it. I hope it all made sense. 
I hope you are all doing well and I'm sorry for not updating at all recently I have school and such you all know how it goes. But I'll try harder because I miss this and you guys 💛
Please leave your thoughts on this I'd love to read it.
Also there should be a new poem on wow that was deep coming soon so stayed tune!!! 
Until next time BYE