Indecisive mess

Youtube?

Hey so don't you hate it when you want to do something so bad but the only thing really stopping you is yourself?
"Wow I didn't know this was my tumblr dash at 3 am...this is some deep shiz."
Yeah I know I'm sorry but if you've been reading my stuff long enough you know this is always a possibility.
"So what brings this up? Now of all times when school is going to start soon?"
What brings this up is I've been thinking more and more lately about a secret lil dream I've had since The summer leading to my 7th grade year.
That dream is...becoming a YouTuber just making stuff I like and enjoy and want others to also.
Actually typing that and reading it back seems more stupid than I thought because now a days everyone wants to be a youtuber EVERYONE pretty much it seems like and i don't think I'll actually ever do it.
I wish I could type
'Oh numbers don't matter I just want to make stuff I love.'
While that's true I'm also lying to some extent.
Because this summer not to toot my own horn... *toot*... my follower count and reads have been the biggest it's ever been and I never thought it would ever get to this point.
So I thank you guys of course.
And I know that most people would be like
"THATS NOTHING WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT"
Because there are literally accounts on here with over 17 thousand followers which is insane but applause to those people because their work is great.
But also throughout this period I noticed myself caring more about how many people read my stuff...how many votes.
And I don't want to get to the point where I'm obsessing in a sense.
But I guess that's a rant for another time lol
Also I know I'm dreaming WAY too big but I can't help it because that's just how I am.
I should also mention that I don't think I would ever make it "big" on YouTube whatsoever so I'm not getting my hopes too high.
But I'm just going to list pros and cons about it.

CONS:
1.) I have absolutely no equipment at all...and I know youtubers say that doesn't matter but I literally only have my phone

2.) I'm starting high school and I'm worried people are going to somehow find it and idk how I would deal with that.

3.) lets be real no ones going to watch it or care all that much

4.) I don't really know how to edit so that would be interesting (but I mean I've seen a couple tutorials)

5.) IM SUPER CAMERA SHY idk how I'd even make it through the first video tbh
I don't even take much selfies pfffft

6.) here I get to hide behind text and be however I like but i can't do that anymore on there at least

PROS:
1.) I'll get to do what I've wanted to do for so long

2.) I actually have ideas for different things I want to do which would be satisfying and fun

3.) I would get to know how people react and really how things went with it instead of living in regret

4.) probably get to make more friends??? Idk that's a stretch

Idk I just really wanted to get all this off my chest because sometimes I get an overwhelming feeling of inspiration for this but like I said there's always something stopping it.
So I thought the next best thing would be asking you guys for your thoughts and opinions because I swear you all are so smart.

Alright reading all this back the next day to edit it all seems so stupid I'm sorry for putting y'all through that emotional roller coaster of a chapter this was.

Until next time BYE

Ps: my last part didn't fail??? People actually followed me so THANK YOU
Shout out to y'all for being wonderful.