Torpidity.(A Sope fanfic) #Wattys2018

Chapt 27

(Yoongi)

Without Hoseok, Yoongi couldn't sleep.

He wished he could.

He tossed and around beneath the tree. It had been days since he had slept. Thankfully the deadline was completed and he needn't worry about his work until further notice.

But the Hermosa girl thing kept bothering him. Mostly it was the person who danced against her.

Something about him seemed familiar when he had watched the blurry video recording. He couldn't pinpoint what though, with the guy's face hidden beneath a bucket hat. But his smile felt familiar.

And the way he moved with precision letting the music speak to him was breathtaking. He understood why the CEO wanted them badly enough to ask him.

He also understood why the CEO wanted him as a choreographer rather than idol. The way the bucket hat man danced did not express.

Yoongi knew nothing about dance yet next to the masked dancer, the bucket hat man felt robotic and emotionless.

The woman in the black mask, Hermosa danced beautifully. Emotion lining through the very fiber of her being. Her eyes were fierce even behind the mask, her strength powerful and movements lithe and confident.

But thinking about these matters did not help Yoongi attain sleep any better. He was on the point of crying from frustration.

Why couldn't he sleep without Hoseok?

Why?

Yoongi punched the ground beneath him in frustration.

He lay there panting as frustration made him run a mental marathon. He took in the canopy above him and the mockingly glittering stars beyond it.

Why cant ever think be easy as breathing? Why couldn't he fucking sleep like normal person and not dependent on people for a basic need like this.

He wished he could stop himself from thinking. He wished he could tell his neurons to shut the fuck up.

Maybe if he blasted his brains off with a pistol maybe then he would peace.

A pity that this was Korea and not America, where guns were allowed.

So he did the next best thing.

He took out his lighter.

His fingers were still stinging from the burns he had given himself last night. It had to heal from him to burn the skin again.

So he tried to choose another part of his body.

His ankle. It was perfect. That way whenever he stood up or walked, he would feel the pain. It would constant.

Making up his mind, Yoongi brought the lighter close to the skin, relishing the growing warmth near his skin and then gasping and tearing up at the pain as his flesh burned.

He kept at it even as his fingers trembled, his body rejecting what he was doing to himself even while his mind laughed and embraced it.

Maybe the devil and angle they always talked about was the body and mind.

But at this point he didn't care anyways.

Why was he living anyways? His parents hated that their son was not normal and made little money. He was a burden.

Hell he was a burden to Hoseok too. Someone he had just met a few weeks back. He was a leech wasn't he? Sucking off the good in people until nothing but bad was left behind in their soul.

Maybe it was good that Hoseok had left him. Scared and broken people could never heal each other anyways.

Music was the only reason he lived these days. And Jungkook.

Jungkook was the only person who made him feel even a little bit wanted. Taking care of the younger always made him feel useful. It made him happy to see that smile on Jungkook's face, it was even better if the reason was Yoongi was himself. But he rarely saw the bunny smile or the genuine laugh that bordered on evil anymore.

Tears slipped free as blisters popped up on his skin and finally when he felt like he had matched the pain on his burn with the one in his heart, when his eyes felt drowsy and blurry from the pain he let go off the lighter, breaking down in silent body wracking tears.

He was completely useless.

He took the emergency bottle of the sleeping pills that Jungkook had bought him and stared at it.

He came to a decision.

He shook the pill bottle, way too many pills than he could count came into his fingers, slipping off his palm and between his fingers.

He brought the closer to his face, staring at them, wondering if it was really worth it.

Suddenly his hand was being smacked being to the side, pills flying everywhwere.

Yoongi eyes slowly took in the dark figure through his hazy vision. Even in his delirious state of mind, he could make out that it was Hoseok who could stood before.

Jung Hoseok.

Yoongi started laughing, the sound dry and dead even to his own ears.

"Yoongi-ah." Hoseok breathed.

"What were you thinking?" Hoseok said softly.

Yoongi studied the younger's features which was sent into a poker face even while he was breathing hard. There was no judjment in his gaze, but there was something that made Yoongi's heart pause for a second.

Was that fear and panic in his eyes?

"A lot of things." Yoongi said flippantly.

The anger on Hoseok's face as his mask broke for a second made Yoongi go still.

"I can see that." Hoseok said evenly.

Was he going to punch Yoongi again? Yoongi hoped that he did.

Yoongi gave him a little lazy smile to try and push Hoseok over the edge. Yoongi was surprised when Hoseok didn't fall for the bait and instead sat next to him.

"Why would you do that?" Hoseok asked, his emotionless mask back in place.

"I was trying to be independent. Among other reasons." Yoongi said looking away from the beautiful human beside him.

Hoseok scrunched in confusion before that dark part of him understood what Yoongi was talking about.

The cold air was a whisper in the air as neither said anything.

"there are other ways do it." Hoseok said finally, after a prolonged silence.

"I was taking a sleeping pill to sleep. What are you talking about?" Yoongi asked in confusion.

He did have suicidal thoughts. But that didn't necessarily mean that he was going to suicide. He never did have the courage do it, always holding back before he did it.

I live because I cant die.

He was a coward. That was what he was.

Hoseok's ears turned red. He looked away from Yoongi.

And Yoongi grinned with a mirth he didn't feel even as he shifted to hide his burns.

Just as Yoongi was about to tease the younger, to ease the tension between them, Hoseok turned to look at him. His face expression scathing, effectively wiping off the smile from Yoongi's face.

Hoseok waited in silence as Yoongi's walls came crumbling down.

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