Boyf Riends (One Shots)

Michael in the bathroom

Trigger warning: Panic attack, cutting

***Michaels PoV***

I sit alone in my bathroom. The windows are closed, the light is out and I feel like my heart is breaking.

Imagine there is this amazing person. This person makes you smile every time you look at them. They're smart and caring. Image you would be very close with this person. It is almost like you had a relationship. They would call you beautiful and that you only need each other.
You would cuddle and watch movies, you had sleepovers or play video games.
You would have the same interest and always knew what the other thinks. When they get ill, you would take care of them, even if they say they don't need you, but secretly do.

The truth is:
I love Jeremy!

I love him with all my heart! There is no day I don't think of him. He is perfect to me...

His small grin or the way he acts nervous in large groups. When he acts awkward because of his anxiety or his squeaky voice. God he is so fucking perfect.
He doesn't conforms the beauty standards, but that makes him only more flawless in my mind.
If I could tell him... tell him everything I see!

But he isn't my Jeremy and he will never be. Because he isn't gay. And so he will never find out about my feelings.

Because I won't tell him, what if he is disgusted. Or worse: homophobic.

So I will be quiet.

He loves HER! She is perfect...
Nice and adorable...
I understand why he likes her and even more I understand why she likes him.
They are on a date right now.

But I won't tell...
Till I die I will only be the nice best friend.

Why wait?

Determined I wipe my tears away and get up. My legs feel like they're made of gummy, but I stay still and take the blades out of the drawer.

I have done this before.
It is no big, I will just cut deeper this time. That is all and then all my problems are gone.

What if Jeremy gets upset when I am gone? No, he probably wouldn't be.
I am not his priority. He has Christine now.
No one needs me...