somebody else: lrh au

"Be careful, I have a kid."

"I'm glad you like Petunia, Luke. She suits you." I said to Luke, him holding the dog as we drove to the nearest Petco or something. "You can be her mom." He said hopefully, and I huffed. "Yeah, okay. Sure." I took a sharp left, sighing as cars honked at me. "I forgot how bad of a driver you were, Jesus Christ." Luke hummed, and I scoffed.

"You seem tense."

"Because you're an asshole."

"Woah, hey, there's children here."

"Shut up, Luke."

The ride was silent after that, aside from Petunia licking herself on Luke's lap. "Dear God, it looks like you pissed yourself." I joked, and he groaned. "I'm gonna get bullied in a Petco." He responded, and I laughed in response. "One time, I looked at a guinea pig, and I made eye contact with it- I thought we were bonding because it didn't look away, but when I got closer I realized it was taking a shit and it was really awkward after that." I monologued, and Luke sighed.

"I feel bad for you."

"Oh, fuck you. We're here."

I realized we couldn't bring Petunia in the store without a leash, so Luke just had to carry her around the store. The first thing we bought was a leash, so Luke didn't break his arms, and then we went around to look for dog stuff.

We emerged 30 minutes later, holding two bags worth of dog stuff. "You're all set." I told him, and he smiled at me. "You're the best." He said, and I scoffed. "Yeah, okay." I said, and got in the car. Luke put Petunia on his lap again, and we were off. "I still hate you." I reminded, and he hummed. "I figured.".

The ride back to his place was awkward, but I got off to say bye to Petunia anyways. "Goodbye, my sweet child." I said, and bent back up to reach Luke. "This is where I leave you." I announced, and turned around to go back to my car. I cringed at how awkward that whole interaction was, groaning as I leaned my head on the steering wheel. I finally pulled out, and drove my way back to my own apartment.

When I got home, Emma was not there, so I assumed she was still figuring out whether or not she's pregnant. As soon as I stepped through the door, I got a text from Emma.

A SIS IS NOT PREGNANT
i'm not preggers ki
you won't be a tia
auntie
whatever

I breathed a sigh of relief, and picked Pants up. "No new brother or sister, buddy." I said sadly, and he licked my thumb. "Oh god, I'm hungry." I said to myself, and texted Emma asking if she wanted to get breakfast. She called me, and I was actually surprised. "Who is this? Emma never calls people on the phone." I said, and I heard Calum laugh. "Shut up. Anyways, where would you want to get breakfast?" Emma asked, and I had to think about places where I could take Pants.

"Somewhere outside. Pants needs to go outside." I said, and Emma chuckled. "Of course." We eventually decided on some place downtown, and Calum said he was inviting Ashton. I gulped, and went to put on some makeup. Very minimal stuff, lipgloss and such. After I thought my eyebrows were okay, I waited for Emma and Calum to pick me up. I heard the faint chorus of a Big Time Rush song, and soon enough, Emma and Calum pulled up.

With Pants on his leash with his collar on, I walked out, locking the door behind me. I sat in the back, letting Pants get in first. "Aw, my child!" Emma squealed, and I rolled my eyes. "How was all of that, anyways?" I asked, and Calum rolled his eyes. "They made me pee, obviously, and the lady really dragged it out whether or not I was pregnant." Emma said, an annoyed tone clear in her voice.

"Good thing is, no kids." Calum said, and Emma turned to him. "Yet." She winked, and Calum laughed. "I'm serious. I'm going to get like, at least six kids out of you." Emma smirked, and I gagged. "We better get started soon then, huh?" Calum waggled his eyebrows, and I cut in. "Can we not discuss this before breakfast? Besides, there's children here." I said, and covered Pants' ears. Emma rolled her eyes, and we arrived at Ashton's apartment complex.

He wore a grey hoodie, and some khakis. "Oh, my God. I am not being seen with you wearing something like that. Go back and change." Calum surprisingly said, and Ashton narrowed his eyes at him. "No, fuck you." Ashton said, and I chortled. "Be careful, I have a kid." I said, and motioned to Pants. "He got a sister today, actually." Calum took off, and Ashton turned to me in a surprised way. "Her name is Petunia, and Luke said I'm her mom, so." I explained, and he nodded slowly. "It's on Instagram." I said finally, and he whipped out his phone to check.

"Oh, my God. That is the cutest fucking dog I've ever seen in my life." Emma said, and I saw her looking at her phone. "Sorry Pants." Emma said briefly, and Pants picked up his head. "I'm on team Pants." I said, and cooed at the small dog. Soon enough, we were at the breakfast place. Emma looked at me through the car window, and I winked. She wiggled her eyebrows, but then her door opened and she stepped out. Calum closed the door behind her, and I let Pants off of me as we walked up to the place.

"Just get me like, an omelette. With a bunch of cheese. Like, block my system with cheese. Does cheese stop your system or make it go? I don't know. I want a lot of cheese." I rambled, and Emma chuckled, nodding. Ashton sat with me outside, telling Calum what he wanted. "I heard you and Luke got into another fight." He said, and I groaned. "This was supposed to be a safe zone. A no Luke zone." I closed my eyes, exhaling.

"He gets me so worked up. I think of him and I don't know if I want to kiss him or choke him out. He knows it, too. Little asshole." I ranted shortly, Ashton laughing. "That's when you know it's real." Ashton said sadly, and I cleared his throat. "Okay, this got emo fast." I blinked a few times, and then Emma and Calum reappeared. "We gotta wait about ten minutes." Emma said, and they sat across from us.

Calum put his arm around Emma, and she held his hand that was closest to her, and I scoffed. I took a picture of them just looking at each other, being couple-y or whatever, and then one of Ashton and Pants. I posted both to Instagram, with the caption "bReAkFaSt DaTeS" and got a text from Luke.

"No invite?"

1175 words be proud

also comment if i gave anyone a scare with the title thinking emma was pregnant (-;;
i feel like the beginning was a bit slow and unnecessary but i'm a shit writer so it's to be expected
anyways it's 2 14 in the morning i'm so fucked for church tomorrow anyways goodnight ily
-emma