Just another blog - candybeer

[...]

I am really trying to get out of this hole.

But everytime i try, i feel this weird thing above me and i'm not able to be who i wanna be, or how i wanna feel.

I'm actually tired of being tired.

Its like i only need me, because no one cares a fuck about.

And it's fine, cause i won't be a charge to anyone anymore. 

The fact is that i don't know who i am, im empty. I lost everything

But i was trying to not lose people, i didn't care about me... i lost myself trying to not lose them.

Who am i?

Who i wanna be?

Who i used to be?

I don't know, i just dont know.

They took everything away, even things that i didn't knew that i'd had. They broke me, and i let them do it because i'm a coward, im useless, im shy and i'm ridiculous. But i cared, and they didn't. 

I couldn't speak out loud.

Now i'm messed up, and i don't know how to fix it.

I need help, im screaming, im begging, nobody listens

So it's my fault, because i let them in. Knowing that in some point they would hurt me but i just wanted to be wanted and choosed. Clearly that's never gonna happen.  

Its my fault because it seems like i need someone in my life so i could move one, i think that i'm afraid to be lonely. 

Its curious cause no matter how many people is around me, i still feeling loneliness.

But sometimes loneliness is your best armor in this war.

And these are just a few words about what i'm feeling, because i have a lot to say but no one listens anymore, so i just wrote it. (or else i was about to explode) 

It's a word mess, just a bunch of feelings mixed in a text... but i needed to say it. 

I hope you're having a great day, enjoy, see you.

-Camila