This Desolate Existence (boy x boy) COMPLETED

Part 5

Four years go by pretty fast as we train every day. I've been getting close not only to the boys I came here with, but also with the rest of them. Well, except for Kotaro. He's still extremely creepy and I don't think I want to be closer to him. I have no clue what that guy's thinking and I'm not sure I want to know. Sometimes, I catch him staring at me with this weird smile on his face. I don't like it, he gives off a weird vibe so I try to avoid him as much as possible. Only problem is, he seems to always be around or he shows up out of nowhere. 

"Ran, he's staring at you," Tobio whispers in my ear as we relax in the barrack.

"Who?" I ask, though I have a feeling I know who it is.

"What was his name? Kotaro?" I quickly glance in the corner and find that Tobio's right. Kotaro is shamelessly studying me. Tobio leans closer. "What's his problem?"

"I don't know. He does that a lot, actually."

"He's so creepy!"

"Yes, he is. Just try to ignore him, Tobi."

"How can I? I can feel his gaze and it makes the hair stand up on my neck." Suddenly, I feel a sharp slap on the back of my head. I turn to find Ibiki standing there.

"Can you idiots stop whispering like a couple of schoolgirls and get out of the way?"

From another corner in the room, Yuzu shouts, "That's not nice, Ibiki!"

"Oi, shut it! You're not a part of this conversation!"

"Am too!" he responds, appearing next to us. 

"What's going on over here?" Takeshi asks, joining us.

"What is this, a party?" Yayoi adds. Our corner is beginning to get cramped.

"Do you all have to be so noisy?" Shuhei huffs. As I glance around at our group, happiness flutters in my heart. Somehow, all of us have become close friends. It makes no sense since our personalities are so different. We have loud, exuberant Yuzu; hot-headed, intelligent Ibiki; kind, quiet Tobio; cool, collected Shuhei; excitable, charismatic Yayoi; shy, pessimistic Takeshi; and then me, the determined and optimistic one. We sure are a weird group with our mix of personalities and hair colors.

While I was thinking this, the conversation continues without me. When I tune back in, Ibiki is tugging on Yuzu's orange hair roughly. Ibiki's own black spikes are messed up and I assume Yuzu did that. Takeshi, Yayoi, and Tobio are deep in conversation which Yuzu quickly joins. Ibiki reluctantly adds his own thoughts. Shuhei's doing pretty much what I am, just standing there looking at them with his neutral expression. He catches me staring and our gazes lock. I don't know why I always feel like I'm drowning when I look in his stormy-blue eyes. Or why I feel like he's delving into my soul for answers he's been searching for his whole life. It's a strange feeling.

"You all are so loud, you know," a voice says, drawing me back to reality. I find another boy, who's name is Kazuno, with his arms crossed and smirking at us.

"Sorry! We don't mean to be!" Yuzu instantly replies, although he makes even more noise.

Kazuno shakes his head. "I swear, if I didn't know better, I'd think you're the youngest of us all, Yuzu."

Yuzu laughs. "Oh, I forgot I am the oldest here."

I shake my head. "You're hopeless, Yu."

"Hehe. My bad."

Just then, the Corporal comes rushing in. "Pack your things now! You're being sent to the front lines." We all stare at him for a second, confused. Quickly, the news sets in and we rush around in a frenzy. This is the first time we're being sent into a real battle. We've gotten better at using our real blades, but we were only attacking straw dummies. 

Now is the time we'll see just what we're made of. We'll find out the true meaning of battle and who has the strength to survive. Yayoi is, of course, excited. Anything dealing with fighting the enemy, he enjoys. However, the rest of us are scared, as most fourteen year old boys would be. Except for Kotaro, who seems to be interested. And Shuhei, who I still can't read very well. I'm sure he's at least a little nervous, though. I worry about Tobio, who's extremely kind-hearted. He couldn't even kill a cockroach when he was younger.

As we begin our march with the Corporal towards the battle, that thought sends a jolt through me. I tend to forget that we're only kids. We haven't been allowed to simply enjoy being young and innocent. We've been raised as soldiers and nothing else. But, what better way to have people fight to the death than to ingrain it into them? The king was smart when he required fighting to be taught from a young age. Now, we know what pain feels like and we're not scared to die. After all, most of us will be reunited with people we've lost. 

I wonder what's in store for us when we arrive. Will that be the day we all die? Or will we win that battle only to die in the next one? These are questions that are running through my mind. From what the Corporal told us earlier, this will be a hard march. It'll take us at least three days to get there, maybe more. So, we'll have to camp out in the wilderness at night. Fortunately, that's something that was included in our school days, survival training. They took us out into a nearby forest and we had to learn to survive with only our heads and the clothes on our backs.

Had I not been with Tobio, he probably would've died then. He couldn't even bring himself to kill an animal for food. That's the problem with being forced to fight. Some of us just aren't born that way. That's why I have to protect him with everything I've got. I won't let him die and, if I have to, I'll force him to survive. I don't want to resort to that, but he needs to learn that kindness won't get you anywhere in this world. Not until I change it, at least. When I do, kids won't be forced to fight and die for reasons they'll never know. Kids won't be forced to watch their friends die or live without a father or brother. 

I hear chattering behind me and I find the twins, Hiroki and Hiroji walking side by side. Even now, it's startling to see how much they look alike. They have the same medium brown hair that hangs in their faces and the same dark eyes with golden flecks in them. The only way I can tell the two apart is that Hiroji has a beauty mark under his right eye. I glance down and notice they're holding hands nervously. I've hardly ever seen them apart, they're nearly inseparable. I fall back so I'm walking next to them.

"Are you two alright?" I wonder.

"A-are we going to die, Ran?" Hiroji says.

"I...don't want to die," Hiroki comments.

"Nobody's going to die. Not on my watch," I respond. The both smile at me. After I sparred with the Sergeant, all of the other boys think I'm invincible. Even the ones I didn't know very well before gave me their trust after that. "I'll protect you both, as long as you protect each other, okay?"

"Got it," they answer together. As our march continues and noon passes, the sky darkens. When I look up, I see storm clouds brewing. I'm not sure why, but I automatically think about Shuhei's eyes. They're about the same color. Before long, the rain begins falling and we're instantly soaked to the bone. To make matters worse, the wind is blowing hard. The Corporal won't let us take a break until dusk when we'll set up a camp for the night.

"Come on, boys! We need to press on!" Corporal calls through the howling wind. I gaze around at my comrades. We've just started our trek and they already look miserable. I wonder if we're even going to make it to dusk. I also wonder if we're all going to die soon, though I'd like to think not. Will we even be alive next week? Will I even get to laugh with my friends again about useless things? Will I ever see my parents again?