This Desolate Existence (boy x boy) COMPLETED

Part 17

"Finally," I mutter, rubbing my forehead as I walk. I just finished the paperwork and I'm making my way to my bed. I'm surprised I'm not walking cross-eyed. I don't think I'll be able to see correctly for a week. I take out my key to unlock my room. However, it's already open and my instincts are instantly hyper-aware. I creep inside to find Kotaro standing there.

"What are you doing in my room?" I hiss.

He slowly turns to face me. "I'm not done speaking to you. So, I decided to wait somewhere we could be alone."

I don't like this at all. I try not to be alone with him at all costs. "Well, I'm finished. I'm not discussing this with you anymore. Get out."

He steps forward. "You were wrong."

"Oh? About what?"

"I don't need you anymore." I raise my eyebrows, not recalling saying anything of the sort. "I may have at one point, but no longer. I have my status and people love me."

"Whatever you say, Kotaro. You still haven't changed. You're still that lonely little boy who thinks he has to steal to be loved. But, that's not how it works. You don't get what you want simply because you wish it. You have to work for it. That includes love. You think that if you became General before me, that I'd love you. But I never will. My heart was taken before I even met you."

He closes his eyes. "Don't you have at least a little bit of space in your heart for me?"

"No, I don't. I gave my heart away. I have nothing left to give you. And you did the worst thing you could've done. I might have tried if you hadn't killed them. I might have given you a chance. But I can barely even look at you anymore."

"Why do I keep messing everything up? You're all I've ever wanted. But I keep doing the wrong things, just pushing you away. I love you, but I say all the wrong things."

"Maybe you do love me. I don't know. But I don't think you do. I think you're looking for someone to substitute for your emptiness. You don't know what love is, Kotaro. I'm not even sure you're capable of feeling it. I pity you."

"I don't want your pity!"

"Well, you have it anyway. But go look elsewhere for someone to fill that void. I can't give you what you think you need. I can't give you love. All I can give you is hatred and bitterness. That's all I feel when I see your face."

He flinches. "I'm not giving up. I'm not letting you slip through my fingers again. All this time, we've been working together. You'll see that you need me, too." He quickly escapes my room, leaving the door wide open.

I sigh heavily, rubbing the back of my neck. It's a nervous habit I've developed over the years. "No, Kotaro, I'll never be yours." I idly glance at the bandage around my right knuckles. No, someone else has already laid claim to my heart, even if he doesn't want it. I sink down on my bed and, exhausted, fall asleep on top of the covers.

***

The next morning, nightmares wake me up long before dawn. I've gotten used to this over time. Nothing seems to stop them, though I've tried everything. And I always wake up cold, as if I can feel the freezing rain on my skin again. Or the cold steel of a blade embedded in my flesh. I get up and eat an early meal in the mess hall. There's only a few others in the room, including the cooks. 

I think about all the work I have to do today and I already feel tired again. My Captain throws himself on the seat next to me, startling me. I jerk hard, knees hitting the table. He knows better to do that to me. 

"Oh, sorry, Colonel. I forgot again." I rub my neck. "Look who I found wondering around lost!" He motions to Shuhei.

"I got up earlier than I thought. It's been a while since I've been here," Shuhei explains. I wonder if he had a nightmare, as well. He looks better after bathing and getting his hair cut. Already, his hair is regaining its shine. His skin is less pale today. He's still skinny, but I hope that will also change soon.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure he enjoyed talking your ear off."

"I'm taking that as a compliment, Colonel."

"Take it however you want," I reply, finishing my drink. "I've got work to do."

"Colonel Tamaka!" My Lieutenant bursts in. "Captain Ruychiru! You need to see this!"

In flash, I'm next to him. "What is it? What's happened?" Ruychiru rushes over.

"It's...you must see. It's horrible!" He turns and leaves the mess hall, walking quickly. Shuhei slowly follows us. He leads us to one of the barracks. "I'd take a deep breath if I were you." He yanks open the door and a horrid smell stings my nose. Ruychiru turns and retches in the grass.

I take a breath to steady myself before going in. There's blood sprayed across the walls. Pieces of bodies are scattered across the floor. A large cloud of flies buzz inside. The stench is absolutely choking. Somebody slaughtered these boys while they were sleeping. And, seeing as how the blood has dried, this happened quite some time ago.

"How did no one notice this before?"

"I don't know sir. It seems the leader of this squad is missing. He could be in here, too. But there's no way to tell. Nobody thought to check, since..."

I tune him out and walk farther in. It doesn't matter why no one noticed. What's done is done and now I need to find out who did this. I see a flash of steel. I walk over to investigate and find a pair of dog tags. They're the Corporal's. He was also a victim, after all. I study a body part near me and decide they were killed a couple of days ago. On the ground, I spot something, pin with a certain family crest. It seems the Corporal struggled with his attacker and pulled the pin off.

I pick the pin up and nearly drop it when I see what the crest is. "That bastard!" With a few furious strides, I'm out the door.

"Colonel, did you find something?" I ignore him and keep going. I know who did this and I'm not letting him get away with it, if it's the last thing I do. Seething, I clench my fist around the pin. He thinks no one can touch him, but he'll answer for this. I'll make sure this mistake will be his downfall.

A/N: Another cliffhanger! Oops! So, who do you think it is? Who do you think killed them and why? I'd love to hear your guesses! See you in the next chapter, my lovely cookies!