This Desolate Existence (boy x boy) COMPLETED

Part 13

I stare around at my comrades sadly as we walk. Look at us now. It's just me, Corporal, Takeshi, Tobio, Yayoi, Yuzu, Ibiki, Kotaro, and two others. Less than half of what we started with. We're all dying, just like Shuhei and Kotaro predicted. Maybe they were the ones who could see the future. After Shuhei's threat, Kotaro has avoided me. Thinking about that is another stab to my heart. I know he cared about me a lot. He saved me so many times and he never even knew it. 

He made this desolate existence a little easier to bear. And now he's gone and so is my light. I can't see anything anymore. When he died, he took a part of me with him. There's a hole in my heart where he used to be and it'll never be whole again. The pain in my heart hurts so much, it physically affects me. Can you really die of heartbreak? People always wonder about that. I think it's true. It hurts so much that I can't imagine being able to live through it for long.

Suddenly, Corporal screams, "Weapons at the ready! It's an ambush!" Everyone draws their swords except for me. I can barely even register what's happening around me. My numb body won't respond when my mind finally grasps the situation. An enemy comes at me and I simply stand mutely, unsure of what to do. 

"Look out!" Yayoi yells. I blink and wish I'd kept my eyes closed. The sword tip is inches from my nose. There's a warm wetness on my face and I think I'm crying again. It isn't until I blink again that my desensitized brain comprehends the scene. When Yayoi rushed over here, he wasn't thinking about himself. The blade ran right through him. The wetness on my face is his blood. He gives me a bloody smile before toppling to the ground.

My eyes widen and that's when I begin to cry. "Y-YAYOI!" I scream. The man comes at me again and this time, I move without realizing it. The next thing I know, his head is rolling in the grass and his body slouches to the ground.

"YAYOI!" Takeshi yells. "NO!" He comes over and kneels by our friend's body. He's crying as well now. He looks at me, sharing our mutual pain. He closes his eyes briefly before rejoining the fight. There's nothing we can do now; our blond-haired friend is dead.

"AHHHHH!" I hear a scream and turn to the right. Yuzu was fighting an enemy when another one sneaked up on him. One of his arms is missing and his blood sprays across the ground. My eyes widen even more. 

"YUZUUUUUUU!" Ibiki calls. I've never heard him sound that way. He goes to avenge his fallen friend, but gets cut down as well, half his face missing.

"RUN!" Corporal yells. "I SAID RUN!" He grabs me, lights the grass on fire for a distraction, and drags me away. Through the smoke, I can see Takeshi, Tobio, and Kotaro. Of Team 2-C, there's only five of us left now. Just four children and Corporal. Although, with the way Corporal's running, I can tell he's severely injured. How did this happen? What did they do to deserve this? Why couldn't I do anything? If I wouldn't have froze, Yayoi would still be alive. Why couldn't I just raise my sword? A memory from four years ago comes back to me. Where we were in the carriage being brought to the base.

I feel a shifting on my shoulder and I realize Tobio has been awake for a while. "You'd make a good general," he says.

I blink, confused. "What?"

He passes his gaze over the others before turning back to me. "Look at them. After what Shuhei said, they were pretty sad. Now look at them. They're confident. Even Shuhei looks inspired, something I never thought I'd see. If anyone's going to change this world, it'll be you, Ran."

I look away from the intensity in his eyes. "No one would follow me."

"I would," he shoots back.

"So would I," Takeshi adds.

"I'd follow you straight into the fire," Yayoi comments.

Shuhei shifts uncomfortably. "I'd trust you."

I force back more tears. They shouldn't have trusted me. All that did was get them killed in the end. I never changed anything. Even now, I'm as helpless as I was then. How could I have ever believed I could save anyone? How could I have been so stupid as to believe no one else would die simply because I wished it so? What a child I was then. Just because you want something, it doesn't mean that it'll happen. Another flashback hits me.

One of the boys runs up to us, a huge grin on his face. He has orange hair and a bright smile. "Hello! My name is Hyagyua Yuzu! It's nice to meet you!" He eagerly shakes our hands as we introduce ourselves. "All the things you'll need are over there!" He points to a pile of camouflaged clothes and combat boots. We grab some and stuff them in the chests at the foot of our bunks.

Yuzu runs over to his bunk, snatching a book from a boy with spiky black hair and comes back over to us. "We also get a few books! So far, this one's pretty good!"

"Oi, give that back, Yuzu!" the boy hisses.

"This is Kamiya Ibiki," Yuzu motions towards the boy as he stands up and yanks the book back.

He studies each of us in turn. "Tch, none of you will survive here. I'm surprised Yuzu has."

"That's not nice, Ibiki!" Yuzu complains.

They were also wrong to follow me. They should've turned tail and ran as far away from me as possible. I get everyone around me killed. This is my curse, to watch everyone I've ever cared about die because they believed in me. Because they believed in my goal, my stupid wish. They didn't deserve what they got. They should've lived long, joy-filled lives. And yet they're dead, because of me. More faces flash past my eyes.

"Are you two alright?" I wonder.

"A-are we going to die, Ran?" Hiroji says.

"I...don't want to die," Hiroki comments.

"Nobody's going to die. Not on my watch," I respond. The both smile at me. After I sparred with the Sergeant, all of the other boys think I'm invincible. Even the ones I didn't know very well before gave me their trust after that. "I'll protect you both, as long as you protect each other, okay?"

"Got it," they answer together.

The twins who should never have been separated. They're dead now, too. They should've lived. They should've learned all the joys living has to offer. They were the youngest of all of us. They shouldn't have learned the harsh truth of this world. None of us should know the truth. Shuhei's eyes flash by in my mind again. I'm sorry, Shuhei, my love. I'm to blame for all of this. It's all my fault. All this death and destruction wasn't caused by any war. I'm the one who brought it about. I'm the bringer of misfortune.