This Desolate Existence (boy x boy) COMPLETED

Part 16

The General pushes by me into my room. I'm not surprised. "Why do you think, Colonel?"

"I don't know, sir, you haven't told me yet," I reply testily.

"I'm here to ask why you aren't doing your damn job."

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean," I say icily, matching his tone.

"You know damn well what I mean. Why did you disobey my direct orders?"

"Which orders?" His eyes narrow and I smirk. "Oh, do you mean the ones that made no sense? Well, you see, they were my men. Actually, children. I wasn't putting their lives on the line for a possibility."

"You don't have a choice, Ranmaru. I am your superior and you follow my orders, no matter what."

I stop fiddling with the papers on my desk and face him directly. "I wasn't aware I allowed you to call me by my first name, General."

His eye twitches. "That's not the point. From now on, you have to do whatever I say. Or else you'll demoted. That will put a stopper in your idiotic dream, Ran."

I smile arrogantly. "No, it won't. You won't demote me, because I know your secret, Kotaro. I know how you really got your position. And I'll promise not to tell anyone. But only if you're a good boy."

His eyes flash dangerously. "Don't test me, Ran."

"Ah, ah, ah. We're in public. If you try to kill me again, they'll find out and you'll still lose everything." I giggle and press a finger to my lips with a wink. "So you'll be quiet and in turn, I'll be quiet. Silence for silence. Sounds like a good deal, right?"

He inhales sharply. "You've cornered me, you sneaky bastard."

"You've got that right. And if you try to kill me again, you'll fail again. You seem to forget that none of you could ever defeat me."

"I won't agree to this...this blackmail!"

"Don't worry. You won't have to deal with it for long. I'm going to take your place, Kotaro. I'll strip you of your rank until you're that small, lonely boy again who just wants to be loved and thinks he can steal to get it. How did that work out for you?" Kotaro grits his teeth. "Not so well, I see. I will achieve my dream, because I have the whole of Team 2-C on my side. I can't fail now."

"Team 2-C is dead because of you. I'm surprised you're not in here crying about it still. Whining about how the world is so cruel and you don't want to live in it anymore. How you feel bad that your beloved Shuhei died and Tobio admitted he loved you before he died, too."

My voice whips out, sharper than it's ever been. "Don't you dare speak their names! Your tongue has no right to whisper the names of the ones you killed just because you wanted me! You think I don't know you were working with the enemy from the very first battle we had!" Kotaro stumbles back, shocked. "That's right, Kotaro! I have your little messages to them right here!" I toss a stack of papers with his handwriting at him. They scatter across the floor.

"I can turn you in as a traitor and you'd lose everything! You'd be locked in prison for the rest of your life! Yes, they're dead because of me, but I will see you locked up if it's the last thing I do! For my brothers, I will ruin you!"

Kotaro staggers to the door. "You'll regret this, Ranmaru."

"No, you will. I hope the rest of your days will be filled with endless suffering so you'll know what I feel! You'll never have my heart, soul, or body, Kotaro! I've already given them all away." Quickly, he rushes from the room and I slam the door behind him. My breath is heaving like I just ran several miles. Furious with myself and Kotaro, I clench my right fist and punch the doorway. I feel my knuckles split and wood splinters pierce my flesh. The pain in my hand is nothing compared to the pain in my heart, my soul.

"Ran," Shuhei whispers, coming over to me and grabbing my wounded hand.

My face heats up at his touch. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. These splinters could get infected. Come here." He pulls me over to the bed. "Where's your first aid kit?"

"Under the cot," I reply. He reaches under, snatching the case, and sets it on the desk. He kneels down and begins pulling each piece of wood out. I don't flinch, I don't feel physical pain the way I used to. It's almost like the nerves are dead, or at least dulled. When he finishes, he washes my hand off and wraps it up. I simply stare at him, not believing he's really here with me. I've dreamed so many times of this same thing, I'm not sure what's reality and what's just another fantasy.

He looks up and our gazes lock. "I never thought I'd get to stare into your eyes again, Ran."

I can't glance away, even though I'm sure he can see the barrage of emotions swirling through me. "Me either. We all thought you were dead. I wanted to go back for you. I needed to see, with my own eyes, that you were dead or alive. I wanted to believe you were still there, waiting for us."

"And I was. I can't believe I missed you all."

"Me either."

He walks around my office, taking everything in. "So, Colonel, is it?"

I smile. "Not quite where I need to be, but close."

"How old are you? I lost track of time in the forest."

"I'm twenty-two."

He stills. "What? Are you...serious? I was walking around aimlessly for eight years?!"

"Yes, apparently so."

"What's the date?"

"June 20. You're birthday was yesterday."

He studies me. "You remembered my birthday? After all this time?"

I turn away to hide the pink staining my cheeks. "Of course I did. I remember everyone's birthdays." Which is a straight-up lie. I only remember mine, his, and Tobio's. The sharp pain in my chest grows as the memories try to creep in.

"You still have it," Shuhei laughs. I spin around to find him picking up his old guitar. "It's still it good condition, too."

"Of course it is. Since you were declared MIA, and had no family, I got it. Did you think I wouldn't take care of it?"

"Wait, 'no family?'" My mouth snaps shut. I've said too much. "So, my mother. She's dead, isn't she?"

"I...um...yes, she is. She died the year after you went missing."

"Was it a fever?"

I open my mouth to respond, think better about it, then open it again. "No. The doctors couldn't find out why. Her heart just stopped. It was...after they told her you were declared dead. They think she died of heartbreak."

He sits down heavily on the cot. "Hm. So, she did realize I was still alive..."

I don't know what to say. So, I drop the subject. "You can sleep there for tonight. In the morning, you can take a bath and get your hair trimmed. Then, I'll find you somewhere to sleep that isn't those dreaded barracks."

"Where are you going to sleep?" he wonders, putting the guitar down.

"I have some work to finish up. Then, I'll head to my bed." I sit behind my desk. Seeing the worried look on his face, I add, "Don't worry. I'll still be here when you wake up. This isn't a dream." At least I hoped not.

A/N: This is one of the longest chapters yet! I love how this story is progressing. Don't worry, we still have lots more to go! And Shuhei's alive! I just couldn't kill him off. Just between us, he's my favorite character in this story. ;P I couldn't bring myself to leave him dead. Besides, I have a lot more to add to this and I needed him alive for that. Look at the little cuties, still not admitting their love! Will they finally pluck up the courage? We'll have to find out in the next part! Later, my lovely cookies!