Joe sugg imagine's

48. Smile Like You Mean It

Authors note: I promise I will post some happier imagines soon. This is based from the music video above and song. Also sorry if this is terrible.

Y/N P.O.V

Sitting on the bare wooden staircase, I can't help the sinking feeling in my stomach. Is he really gone? The cold of the step presses against the bottom of my naked thighs, causing the skin to become numb. Not that it mattered. My whole body was numb.

I look across the empty house. Furniture and useless decor that once  furnished the rooms had disappeared. It didn't feel real. And this didn't feel like home anymore.

I stood up quietly, causing the steps to creak in relief. I hold onto the bannister to keep myself stable, tugging  my black dress down. I trail my fingers across the wall, as the etched markings on the surface leave bumps and dips for my fingers to follow. Just in front of me is an open arch that Joe had painted red.

Once I reach it, I notice the heart drawn in pen with 'Joe + Y/N' written inside it. A smile plays upon my lips as I remember him writing it as soon as we had moved in. He said "this would forever be our home" and it was. Until he left.

I can't call this place home anymore because he isn't here. I wonder into the kitchen, all that was left was countertops lined against the wall.  I remember how Joe used to cook, the aroma of bacon in the morning. How he would say 'morning love, you look beautiful today' every time I'd just woken up.

I would wrap my arms around his waist and watch him use the pan. His scent lingered around the four bare walls and it was enough to break me. I carry on to the living room. No more carpet, No more television, no more sofa, no more coffee table.

All that remain were the same old curtains that we had hung up when we first arrived. I remember the cuddles and kisses we would share on the spot where the sofa use to be. I remember the late nights we would spend watching pointless crap on the TV. I remember the faded stains from the coffee table where Joe or I would accidentally spill our drink.

I remember the day he told me he loved me, in this very room, by the Christmas Tree on our first christmas together. I remember the laughs we shared and the endless humours torment he would cause me. That cheeky smirk I'd never be able to see again.

My body trembles beneath me and my cheeks are more than soaked in tears. I didn't want to be alone, but here I am. And there is nothing I could do about it. Everyone is telling me it wasn't my fault, yet I somehow feel like I'm the only one to blame. It I hadn't of asked him to go to the shop, he wouldn't have been hit. He wouldn't be buried 6 feet underground.

It wasn't fair. But when is anything ever fair. I just wanted to hold him one last time. Feel his presence, take in his scent and kiss his lips. Lips I would never grow tired of.

I just wish i had a chance to say goodbye. To assure him that I loved him. But nobody gets that chance, not fully anyway.

Quiet sobs wrack through my chest, and I slid my back down the wall. Crying into the silent empty room.

This isn't my home. Joe was my home.