(COMPLETE) Please, don't try to fix me. - Book 1.

2. (!)

Scott's POV.

I lay down on my bed. I just had a presentation at a gig. I was so proud of it, but he really wasn't. I can do my best, but it's always not good enough. He's never proud of me. He says he loves me, but how could you love someone if you're never proud of that person?

I hear footsteps, it's him.

"Did the presentation make you tired?" He asked.

"Yes. I've received a standing ovation." I smiled.

"Sure, okay." He chuckled.

"I really did my best..." I sighed.

He shrugged and he walked away, leaving me disappointed.
I cuddle into my pillow. Why can't he just be proud of me? I tear up, I just want to feel important.

"Hey..."

I look up, it's him again. I turn my face away from him, he can't see me crying like this.

"Are you crying?" He asked.

"N-No." I answered, trying to sound okay.

"I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to the pub with my friends." He whispered.

"Okay." I whispered back and he left.

He's going to this pub every day, with his friends. He never brings me with him. I wonder if they know he has a boyfriend. He's one of those gay boys who looks straight as hell.

I cover myself with a blanket. I breathe in the warmth and I feel myself calming down. I trace my fingers over my hipbones. I feel the scars. It's not easy to live with someone who doesn't give a fuck about what you've reached in life.

I am just someone who is too sensitive and caring about things like these. I didn't plan to do selfharm, but it helps. It truly does!

I listen to Beyoncé for a while. Gosh, how I love that woman! She's the biggest queen I know. I riff along with her. People call me King Riff-ter, but he has never heard me riff like this. I mean, would he care? Most definitely not.

I sigh deeply and look at my clock. It's 11 pm and he hasn't come home yet. It's weird that I miss him next to me. Despite the fact that I can't do anything right, cuddling into his side feels so comforting. Luckily he allows me to do that. I'm sure he loves me.

"Baaaaaaaaaaabe! I'm hoooooooooooome! Show me some luuuuuurvee." He yelled.

"God, are you drunk again?!" I yell back.

I hear him stumble upstairs. He walks in and he looks terrible. Drunk as fuck.

"Show me some love." He said.

"It's late already and I want to sleep. Maybe next time." I smiled.

"Why not? I would love to feel your soft lips around my dick..." He whispered and he slowly walked to me.

"Look at yourself, you can't even stand straight!" I giggled.

"Maybe that's because I am not straight." He scoffed.

He had a point there and I layed him on the bed, taking his coat and shoes off.

"Go sleep. New day soon." I said as I kissed his forehead.

"I want some love." He slurred as he drifted away.

"Later. Goodnight, love." I said, but he was fast asleep already.

-

The next morning I woke up to an empty spot next to me. I panicked a little. Why do I panic when he isn't around? I put some clothes on and walked downstairs to find him watching some tv on the couch. I sat next to him. He looked up, not saying a word.

"Goodmorning. Had a good sleep?" I asked.

"Could be better." He answered.

Right, in his eyes everything could be better. It's never good enough.

"As always." I sighed.

Now he looked at me with a frown on his face.

"What did that mean?" He asked.

"Well, nothing is good enough for you. Not even me." I said as I looked down at my feet.

"How dare you to speak to me like that?" He said angrily.

I gasped, I got him angry. Stupid, stupid, stupid! I stand up, keeping some distance between us.

"It's the truth..." I whispered.

He turned off the tv and looked at me.

"Take it back!" He yelled.

And there it was, all of my cropped up anger of me not being good enough for him was going to be spilled.

"No! It's true! I am never good enough for you! The presentation yesterday? I got a DAMN STANDING OVATION! And yet you make it feel like it's NOTHING! Our sex? I hurt my fucking throat by giving you a blowjob as deep as I can. Yet, it's not good enough. I get it, I AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" I yelled as my tears stream down my cheeks.

I run upstairs to pack my stuff. I am going to leave him, I can't take this any longer. I rush all my stuff together, the things I really need. I walk downstairs.

"What are you doing?!" He said as he sneaked behind me.

"I-I'm g-going to l-leave you." I stuttered.

"Oh, you are? What about me? Isn't my opinion valid?" He asked.

"Why would you care? Everything I do isn't good enough for you!" I snapped.

"I swear, Scott... If you step through that damn door, it's over between us. Definitely over, no turning back." He said.

I gulped. Trying to swallow that clump of fear in my throat away. I sigh deeply.

"So be it." I said and I stepped outside, closing the door behind me.